Watch Over Me ☆ a.i. [complete]

◌ s e v e n ◌

[Ashton’s POV]

It had been six months since I moved in with Y/N, and five months since she and Jake started dating. At first, I was fine with it. I didn’t see him that often and he was a good guy anyways, so I told myself I had nothing to worry about.

Well, I was right on one thing. Jake really was a good guy. However, in the past month I’ve been seeing his face around the apartment a lot more often, and I didn’t like it. I didn’t like seeing Y/N with him. He treated her well and respected her, so I really had no reason to dislike him. But I did, and I knew fully well why.

Over time, I had grown to adore Y/N’s laugh. It was no secret that I cared about her – it was my job, after all – but it had grown past a duty and into something that was embedded into my personality. I cared about her, not because I have to, but because I loved her.

It had always been the case. I always felt more than I should towards her. Except this time, it was so much worse than it had ever been. I actually loved her. I was completely and absolutely in love with every part of her, and there was nothing I could do about it.

I shook my head. I didn’t want to think about this right now. Tonight was our movie night: every Saturday, Y/N and I sat down and watched movie after movie until we both fell asleep on the living room floor. It was probably my most favourite part of the week, and I waited for each Saturday with anticipation.

As I practically bounded into the living room with two blankets in my arms, I saw Y/N was putting down a bowl of popcorn on the coffee table.

"What are we watching today?" I asked, causing her to jump and me to giggle.

"You scared me!" she chuckled. "I was thinking this?"

She extended a DVD towards me and I dropped the blankets onto the couch before taking it from her hands.

I recognised the movie as an anime, feeling quite proud of myself. “Looks good,” I nodded, handing it back to her.

She grinned widely as she skipped over to the DVD player as I sat down on the couch, grabbing a handful of popcorn and shoving it in my mouth. She started the movie and turned around, and I gave her a sheepish grin.

"Sorry," I apologised through a mouthful of popcorn. She had a weird habit where she never ate popcorn before the movie actually started, which was frankly adorable, but I didn’t know how she could do it.

She just laughed, shaking her head and rolling her eyes as she sat down on the other end of the three person couch, pulling the blanket up under her chin.

After a painfully long intro scene, the movie finally started and she lunged for the popcorn.

"Eager much?" I laughed as she glared at me.

"Shut up Ash, and watch the movie."

But not even fifteen minutes into the movie, her phone buzzed, signalling a text. I had to physically stop myself from rolling my eyes at the cheesy grin that painted her face: it was obviously a text from Jake.

However, I watched as her face fell slightly, and she bit her lip. I sighed. “What happened now?”

"Uh, Jake, well, he’s kinda on his way here."

I almost choked on my popcorn. What?! He couldn’t crash our movie night! I officially hated him even more.

"I’m sorry, Ash," she pouted, and I sighed.

"It’s fine. I guess we can watch this another day or something."

"I’m sorry, really."

I gave her a forced smile which she seemed to buy. “It’s alright Y/N, no big deal. It’s not like you knew.”

"Thank you," she grinned, reaching over and hugging me. I hugged her back, trying not to show my disappointment.

We decided to turn off the tv and just talk until Jake showed up.

When he did, Y/N practically threw herself into his arms. It hurt my heart to watch.

"Hey man," he nodded to me with a smile on his face, unknowing of how much hatred was boiling up inside me.

"Hey," I nodded back, picking up my blanket.

I was about to reach for the bowl of popcorn when Y/N stopped me. “It’s fine, Ash, I’ll clean it up.”

I nodded. “I’ll just be in my room,” I mumbled before walking away. I entered the room adjacent to hers which we called ‘mine’ but frankly I spent so little time in it – I didn’t really need to, after all – that it was completely unfamiliar to me. I threw the blanket on the floor and kicked the door shut before beginning to pace the room.

Finally, I had stationed myself with my back against the wall separating her room and mine, my legs spread out in front of me. This was to be my position for the rest of the night. It was the only place I could sit and still feel like I was keeping an eye out for her, even though I couldn’t see her. I could hear pretty much everything, so I would know the minute she would be in trouble.

Minutes passed. I watched the clock on the wall in front of me, above the neatly made bed. All I heard from the room was faint whispering and the occasional ring of Y/N’s laugh. The sound was like a dagger through the heart, an ache in my chest.

This is so wrong. I can’t be in love with her. I cannot. It’s against the divine laws. If my feelings for her are outed, I’ll have my wings clipped. I’ll become mortal and vulnerable.

But those weren’t the worst consequences. Oh no. The worst is that I’d forget all about Y/N. I’ll never remember all the times we spent together, I’ll never remember the sound of her laughter. I’ll never remember any of this. So what’s worse? Hearing her laugh and be happy with someone other than me, or remove her from my life entirely

I’m not taking that chance. Hell, she could rip my heart in two and I still wouldn’t let her know. I still wouldn’t throw everything away.

Suddenly, an unfamiliar sound snapped me back into reality. I frowned, trying to figure out what was going on. I was about to get up and check what was going on when a louder noise made itself heard. I froze, registering what the noises were.

I sank back down to the floor, my eyes wide. I felt numb. I was so stupid to expect anything else. I was… I couldn’t believe it. Why did I not expect this?

But the bigger question is… Why am I letting this affect me so bad?

"Good for you, Ash," I muttered to myself, digging my palms into my eyes so hard that I started seeing those weird stars and patterns. "This is what you get."

The noises got louder, but I didn’t move. I was torturing myself. I wanted to rip my ears off, I wanted to scream and I wanted to cry, but I couldn’t move, I couldn’t allow myself to let Y/N be vulnerable.

But when she yelled out his name, I couldn’t control myself. I let the sobs take over my body, tears running down my face and wheezes shaking my thin frame. Hopefully they wouldn’t hear me, but then again, how could they? They were so wrapped up in themselves and their love – literally – that they wouldn’t hear my sobs through the wall.

Hey, all the better for me, right?

After what felt like hours, my heartbroken sobbing subsided along with their lovestruck noises. I looked up at the clock, my eyes blurry and stinging, and sighed. It had really only been an hour, even less.

I wanted to go wash my face, to remove all evidence of my forbidden feelings, but I couldn’t. No matter what, Y/N and her safety came first, never my idiocy and certainly never, ever my feelings.

So instead I sat there with stinging eyes and damp cheeks, trying to find a way to convince myself that I was stupid for loving her, for loving a human. But the harder I tried, the harder I fell, until finally I was certain I couldn’t fall any deeper into this curse bitterly called love.