[Hypnosis Mic] Cooking Together

Takikomi Gohan

They appreciated the food in silence for a bit, until Doppo had the gall to try to make small talk. "So, Arisugawa-kun, if you're here, has your luck run out, lately...?"

"Of course not! My luck'll never run out. Losing just means you're getting closer to hitting the jackpot, don't you know? My net worth is still, hm," he fished around in the pocket of his jacket, "205 yen. Oh, I could buy a scratch-off."

"I see. Best of luck to you, then."

"I don't need your shitty luck."

"S-... sorry." Doppo looked back down into his food.

Dice thought about telling him off for apologizing, but that would be rude to the food. And to Riou. Who, even if he hadn't said anything, didn't look too happy about his guests getting along so poorly. Fine, Dice would play nice. "What were you teaching him earlier, Riou-san?"

"We were making shredded rhinoceros beetle meat over rice," Riou answered.

Any surprise at Riou's culinary choices having been long since abandoned, he asked, "How's that taste?"

"It's alright," Doppo answered. "I'm not very good at making it. I'll probably have to use crab at home, though, so maybe that's easier..."

"You lose the sweetness with crab," Riou reminded him.

"That's true... It would be a different dish. I'm not sure I could do it justice. I can't really cook in the first place, and end up troubling Hifumi, so he makes all the meals. I guess I shouldn't really try to stretch myself too thinly, but I don't want to be a burden. In the end that's just how it goes with me. I can't really do anything properly, I have to depend on others, and I don't, I, I, I- ...Arisugawa-kun, did you just take that out of my bowl?"

"Ah? Damn. Thought you weren't paying attention." Dice shoved the morsel of food in his mouth before anyone could ask him to give it back. He didn't mention the other bites he'd taken before the one Doppo finally noticed, and quickly changed subjects. "Your boyfriend makes food for you? How cute," he snarked.

Doppo blushed. Dice'd already done the "boyfriend" tease once and it didn't get a response, but this time he noticed. "Hifumi's not... We're not-" He made a frustrated noise and receded in on himself. "Doesn't matter, anyways."

Eugh, maybe Dice shouldn't have teased him. He dropped it.

"Indeed," Riou said, "since marriage between men was eliminated when the Kotonoha Party took power."

"Eh?" Dice looked at Riou, lost.

Doppo hummed in agreement, and Dice looked at him, too, seeking explanation. Doppo continued, "since marriage provides tax benefits, which men... aren't privy to."

Oh. Well, Dice had never had a reason to think that hard about taxes.

Riou took the empty bowls and left to the kitchen. "I'll bring out dessert."

"Thank you," said the other two in unison.

"Sooo," Dice started, thinking about pointless questions to ask to keep the conversation going, "if you could get married... would you?"

"Yes," Doppo said without hesitation.

What kind of weird relationship did those two have? Dice snorted. "He's not your boyfriend, but you'd marry him?"

"We'd pay less taxes with a shared bank account."

Dice stared in disbelief. How could this goddamn salaryman take something as thrilling as a forbidden romance and make it so horrendously banal? So devoid of any passion whatsoever? Marrying his fucking housemate for fucking tax benefits. "Man, fuck you."

Doppo sputtered, but couldn't get any words out.

"Dessert," Riou called, finally emerging. "Knotweed flour cake."

The two just barely managed to once again put aside their differences long enough to eat the cake.