School, Guns, Drugs, and Him

PROLOGUE

Do you ever get that feeling that you know you have everything but somehow you still feel alone? Still feel empty? Still feel like there's something missing?

I know that feeling. The feeling of being lucky yet feeling lonely. Why you ask? Well, you have a family and a house to come home to and yet somehow, that house don't feel like home anymore. The more you go back to the place, the more damage you take. Also, you've got your friends but are you supposed to call it friendship when you only exist when they need something? Also it is true that you are one of the blessed people because there's no war in your place, you've got a roof under you, a very useful education, and 3 meals a day and comparing to those beggars, thieves and unfortunate children, and yet it doesn't suffice. Tell me I'm selfish and ungrateful, that's fine. I tell myself those too but you just can't help this kinds of thoughts when the supposedly blessing is actually a torture.

"Hey Monnette, you're late for school."

"Yes mom." I called out and got off from my bed. That's enough sulking for now. We have a lot of time for that later.

I went straight to the bathroom and did all the necessary morning procedures, dressed up and finally went downstairs to eat breakfast.

"I can't give you an allowance today dear. We're kind of out of stocks so I need you to go grocery shopping after class okay? You should be home already by 6 or else your cellphone's mine for a month." Mom told me or more like she was talking to me but her attention is on her phone. I simply walked past her and started on my egg sandwich.

"Hey move to the side jumbo, you're too big for this table already."

"Says the one who keeps on having buttons popping out from his uniform." I spat to my brother.

"Mom, Mo is being mean again!!!" My brother said to my mom while patting her hard on the shoulder. I rolled my eyes on his actions.

"That's not exactly what I said." But I'm glad you got my point. I said the last sentence to myself though.

Ivann just shot me a glare and this time, he ranted to mom so hard  that was the only time mom focused on me with her authoritarian glare.

"Monnette, apologize to your brother now!"

"Sorry Ivann. Hope you let this slide now." I forced a smile on my face.

"Good. Now move your butt Mo." Then he stick his tongue out.

I just ate my breakfast in silence.

"Mom, where's my allowance?" I heard from beside me and saw mom fished out 5 dollars from her pocket and handed it to my grinning brother.

Okay, now I lost my appetite. I stood up from my chair and covered my half finished sandwich, picked up my bag and took the cash and list over the fridge and made my way to school.

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While class was in session, a paper was passed on to me by Rey, who happens to be seating at my left side.

"It's from Tina." He whispered.

I got the paper and read it's content.

*Can you go tell Allen to come alone at the cafeteria after their soccer practice?*

I responded with a *What for? I'm busy this afternoon. Can't it wait til Monday?* A few minutes later and the paper returned to me.

*I really really need to confess to him and I fear that he'll already be taken. So today's our only chance.*

Again I replied *Why do you even need me for this? Sorry, I have to go grocery shopping this afternoon. Plus my curfew.*

I got a reply within a minute.

*You know I'm shy. Not cool Jacel, I thought you would help a FRIEND.*

I sighed and glanced towards Tina who happens to be 4 seats across me and she only gave me a glare then rolled her eyes.

With that, I focused my attention towards the equation written on the board. We're supposed to solve it.

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"You've got to come with us Jacelyn. The party's really fun. We need you there. Mom won't allow me to go unless she sees that you're going with us."

I gave Chloe and Trixie an apologetic look before I gave them an answer.

"I really am sorry but mom gave me strict orders to buy groceries and be home by 6."

"Can't you just ditch her? Plus you have tomorrow to do that."

"No I can't or no phone for a month." I replied abruptly.

"Come on, you made us miss 6 parties already Jace. Plus it's only a phone. We can lend you one at the moment." Trixie, who's voice is now an octave higher and louder but my decision won't change. I stared at the floor and replied "I'm really sorry but I really can't go."

"Fine! Be selfish." Then they stormed off. But before they could be clearly far from me, they met up with their boyfriends and I heard them say "She's useless to us anyway. No wonder she has no friends because she can't be there for them." Then they were out of hearing distance.

How could they not understand that I want to go with them but I just can't. I can't lose the damn phone for a freaking second let alone a damn month. I don't know but the phone isn't the problem, it's the things in it that I need and hold on to. Plus is it wrong to follow orders?

All I did was clench my fist, took deep breaths and chanted my very own mantra, trying to cool myself down. Once I chilled a bit, I took out my cellphone and earphones, and headed to where I was supposed to go. I checked the time on my watch, seeing that it's already 4:45.

"Well, I better hurry."

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I went straight towards the kitchen to keep all the groceries to its assigned place but before I could move, my father came, and few moments later, I heard what I dreaded.

"What?! You spent all those hours driving around the city and all you're giving me is this?! And you smell like alcohol again! How many times do I have to remind you that we're 3 months behind our rent Erick. And you spend money for beers? You're impossible. Or do you happen to have another woman too?! Is that why yo-"

"Hold on there Claire, don't you dare raise your voice on me like that. I am so sick of you telling me what to do and not to do. I can't even meet up with my buddies now and you're complaining about my drinking!? Can't I have a break for Pete's sake!"

"A BREAK! A BREAK! Are you kidding me! You want me to give you a break! You're coming home drunk everyday, isn't that enough!?"

I kept the last can into the drawer and dashed into my room. Finally I let the tears fall freely, locked my door, lied in bed and grabbed the two pillows resting in the corner to cover my ears Can't they just give it a rest? Fighting over small things everyday for the last 3 years. Aren't they tired of all of it cause I definitely am!

"IF YOU'RE THINKING OF WALKING OUT ON ME AGAIN, DON'T YOU DARE. I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF YOUR NONSENSE MR. AND THIS IS GETTING WAY TOO FAR."

Through the thick pillows I could still hear them arguing and then the tears doubled.

"Think of happy thoughts. Think of happy thoughts. Think of happy thoughts." I chanted to myself but it's still no use so as my last resort, I got up, emptied my backpack from pens and notebooks and quizzes, slipped a few jackets, a flashlight, and a book in it, swung my bag on to my shoulders, opened my window and peeped outside.

"WHAT THE! ARE SERIOUSLY ACCUSING ME OF SUCH ACTS?! WHAT ABOUT YOU?! WHAT ABOUT YOUR BOSS HUH?! YOU GUYS ARE GETTING REAL CLOSE NOW THESE DAYS. ARE YOU REALLY ACCUSING ME OR ARE YOU BLAMING ME TO DISGUISE YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH YOUR EMPLOYER?"

I heard my father say and a crash came right after.

"I can't listen tonight." I told myself and, determined to leave the house for now, I slid my feet and legs out the window, climbed a few bricks sticking out of place and when finally there aren't any more bricks to step on, I jumped without a second thought and consideration for my safety.