Bury Me [Billie Eilish x Female Reader]

1; Left Behind

Note:
this fanfic won't be the typical fanfic where the main character immediately ends up in a relationship with the person they're shipped with in this book. The romance is gonna gradually progress and it'll be more complex than a usual fanfic, just so you know.

It's been a few years since I've seen Billie in person, she visited home once but it was to see her family for a few days and then she was gone.
I asked her parents if she'd said anything about me, knowing she hadn't but still stupidly hopeful anyway.
"No," they said, and I nodded, my hopes dashed and I left.
I wander, looking at my phone occasionally and wondering if I should maybe text her.
Would she even have the same number...? Would she answer me?

Without realizing it, my emotions drain away, and I sink back into my depression numbness, the hope had been a piece of wood on a rocky ocean for me, but now it wasn't there.
Sometimes I'm so grateful to not feel much anymore, it saves so much hassle and it makes it easier for me to pretend I'm alright.
And sometimes I want to cry but I don't feel like crying. I want to let out my emotions so I can be human again, but my brains say screw you, and I can't.

I head to Starbucks, deciding to load up on a double espresso shot. I have a 2000 page essay due tomorrow and I haven't started it. I know I can do it in one night but I don't want to risk falling asleep.

My mind forces me to rehearse what I'm going to say and how I'm gonna say my order out of anxiety, so I don't notice her until I'm ordering, and when it's my turn, I look up and freeze.
An adorable girl is standing behind the counter smiling at me, not a real smile, the smile you where when your mind is wandering.
My tongue feels glued to the roof of my mouth suddenly and heat races to my cheeks. She's a little on the chubby side but I love it, and her black hair is  shoulder length, a look that isn't always easy to pull off, and I can't remember what I'm doing or how I got here.

Her smile falls slowly and her green eyes brighten as she resurfaces to reality. She looks confused.
"Um...hello?" Her voice isn't particularly special but I find that I like it, a lot.
"Oh-sorry. C-can I have a double shot of espresso please?" I mumble, sure I'm fucking up any chances with this girl.
"Fucking up your chances...? What about Billie!" My mind chastises me. I feel a sharp stab and sadness leaks through it.
"She doesn't like me. Maybe...maybe I should try to move on...? I'll only kill myself internally if I keep chasing after a straight girl forever. It's worth a try at least." I reason, feeling content slightly but still a little uncomfortable.
The girl-Quinn-as her name tag says, whistles at me.
"Wow. A double shot? Most people only get one. Staying up late today?" She asks me, her tone friendly as she eyes me appreciatively. I watch her eyes check me out and I blush, my own body flashing in my minds eye.
I forgot what I look like! I have no chance with this girl! She might not even be checking me out! She could just be judging my old band tshirt!

"Oh, I have a 2000 page essay due tomorrow." I say, laughing and smiling in return. My acting has improved at least, even if I'm flustered at least I'm semi normal.
Her eyebrows raise at me and she laughs.
"Fuck, I know that feeling. How much do you have written so far?" She asks. I pretend to count the words on my fingers and laugh, making eye contact.
"Nada." I grin. She flashes a smile back at me.
"Fuck. Rest in peace." She laughs, "so, what's your name?" The question catches me off guard and for a second I think, "fuck, what is it?"
"(Y/n)." I reply, and she nods, smiling to herself. I blush harder and wonder why she's smiling that damn cute smile, and she tells me the price for my double shot, to which I pay with debit, and she checks a watch on her right hand, a simple, practical watch.
"I get off in ten minutes, I can help you with your essay if you want?" She offers and I'm shocked for a second before I beam and nod.
"I'd love that." I reply, she nods and places my receipt on the table to wait for my order. She hands me the customer copy and I smile, taking it.
"By the way my names Quinn."
"Oh, I know." I reply without thinking, suddenly I feel like a stalker and flush.

She looks surprised and I feel mortified.
"Oh, uh it-it's on your name tag- sorry." I fumbled my words a little and she laughs.
"That's okay. See you in ten minutes." She smiles warmly at me. I smile and nod, waving as I head to a table.
I glance at my receipt and look back, realizing there's writing on it.

Here's my number :) 1-xxx-xxx-xxx
-Quinn

I feel my heart flutter and twist at the same time.
"What am I doing...?" I think, Billies face filling my mind. Her rare laughs and smiles, her voice and words make my head spin and mind stutter.
"She's straight, Doofus. She'd be happy for me if I got a girlfriend..." I rationalize, but the bittersweet feeling in the pit of my stomach doesn't leave.