(A/N:) upcoming season one spoilers! Also I wrote this awhile ago so it's kind of all over the place
Falling in love with someone was something they'd been told never to do. In a world full of titans, love was a dangerous game. It could make you weak, distract you from the objective, they said. And it could bring no good, only pain. Going into the survey corps, Armin hadn't understood that. Frankly, he didn't think he'd ever been in love, but he couldn't believe it could be so horrible. His grandfather had always told him that love was beautiful and worth fighting for. And Armin had always looked forward to that. That was really all he'd ever wanted, besides seeing the outside world. He had always thought so lowly of himself and having someone to be there for him, to support him no matter what, would be incredible.
He remembered, when he was a child, the way Eren and Mikasa would protect him and make sure he had a place to call home. He knew that was love. But he didn't know what it felt like to fall for someone and was scared that, if that time came, he wouldn't recognize the difference. But training as a cadet proved him wrong.
It started one night when Eren couldn't sleep. He had shaken the blond awake and whispered something he couldn't quite understand. But it was Eren and he was grabbing his hand and yanking him out of bed, so he figured he'd find out soon enough. He had led them out of the barracks, into the crisp September air. Armin became more aware as they walked, though he still didn't know where Eren was taking them. They continued for a few minutes, their footsteps strange in the silence of the night. Armin was about to speak, perhaps to ask a question as to what they were doing, when suddenly Eren stopped, his warm hand still wrapped around Armin's cool fingers. Breath chilled as it left their mouths and Armin looked around. He made out the tall shadows of trees in the darkness and the shimmering of the stars above them. "Eren," he said, his voice hoarse from sleep. "What are we doing here?"
Eren just smiled at him and looked up to the sky. "Look at the stars, Armin." he had said and Armin had done as he was told, blue eyes following the constellations. "We made it."
"Huh?"
"To the outside world. We made it. We're not to the ocean yet, but I know we'll get there."
He squeezed Armin's hand tighter. "I just know it."
He looked to Eren then and it was as if the moon was displaying him in a completely different light. It was like Armin had never truly looked at his best friend before, this boy holding his hand a complete stranger. He had never noticed the way Eren's eyes shimmered like the stars or the way his smile seemed brighter than the moon. He was an angel, he had to be. No one should've looked as beautiful as Eren had in that moment. There was something else besides his face though. Something so uniquely Eren that Armin had never noticed before. Or perhaps he had always known it was there and just hadn't known what to call it. It left a tightness in his chest, a light feeling in his stomach. His hand where Eren's lay was burning beneath the skin and his cheeks were almost glowing red in the moonlight. His mind went blank as he stared at his best friend, confused as to what this feeling was.
Eren turned to face him and Armin didn't even think to make an excuse. Their eyes locked and Eren gave him that smile. The one that was saved specially for him. Reserved for him. He hadn't noticed that before either. That smile was never seen by anyone. Not his parents, not Mikasa.
Only him.
It was special, an unspoken thing lying beneath the surface. Armin had decided to keep that thing unspoken and simply smiled in return, wondering what was happening to him.
~~~
All this flashed through Armin's mind at a million miles per hour as he stood, frozen, his eyes glued to Eren's motionless form. It had been three years since that night. Three years since Armin had felt that pain in his chest. Three years since he fell in love. Now the pain in his chest was different. It wasn't fluttering and strange. It was a feeling he had felt before. But never like this. It was the feeling he felt when he had to evacuate Shiganshina. The feeling he felt when he knew he'd never see his grandfather again. The feeling that everyone felt when they watched their friends die.
