When Empty Turns Whole

Two

As the night progressed onwards, dew like droplets fell from the sky and had aliened with the ground colliding in a rhythmical pattern. A peaceful warmth had befallen with the pitter patter of rain. A calm and peaceful night in contrast with the thoughts raging along like  a bullet. only to land upon nothing, more of just to drop and seep into nothing more than thin air.

I lay awake, the soft pink sheets draped around my body, holding the warmth in close. The bun from earlier had been replaced by two simple twin braids. Shifting my weight to lie on my left side I stared out the window, gazing longingly for the land I wish to leave.

Thoughts of escape are interrupted by dreams and ideals I'll do once i'm out there. people to meet, and food to try. Those thoughts that brought along a blissful energy are sent back to my mind and is now replaced, with the thought of telling the family. They'll have to find a new suitor for the job. Short handed as well from a CEO, with no one to turn to in order to help, A knot forms within my stomach.

Perhaps, I'll aid my family one last time. I'll use a month to find someone worthy of taking my place, and give it to them, all while using a portion of the profits to put in a new bank account for me to use, as I have been working for the money I've been collecting. It's not a crime in fact it's most likely welcome. and as I do that, I'll slowly by slowly move items from my bedroom out and have them set within a storage unit until I will need to get them when I leave.

A heavy sigh escapes me as I roll back. these thoughts are tiring and rather boring. But they are needed for making my escape just like great aunt Sonia. Just, add a few more twists and maybe an alternate ending. 

I stare up at the ceiling, gazing at its white spackling. imprints of flowers from when I was little are forever engraved, Reflecting the light from the pink walls. Most items I owned was pink, just like most clothing I wear had bows. I don't feel like myself if I don't have but one bow somewhere on my person. It's strange I know, yet true.

I pull the covers to my chin, resting comfortably in the bed. Grabbing a pillow I close my eyes to enjoy but another dream of roaming busy streets, hearing the sounds of the city, feeling the cool waves of an ocean splash against my body. Oh how I wished to be like a character in one of he books I've read. Fearless, courageous, and strong willed, to be beautiful without any rivals and have the ability to pursue anything I wanted to be.

If only there was a dragon for me to slay, a monster needing to be chased, a damsel needing to be saved. If only that would allow my rather empty heart a way to escape. 

My heart. Indeed, it is empty. It has been ever since i remember, I didn't often feel things, and when I did, they never lasted long. Now, I feel things, but, they only feel as if they were pulled by strings just for their reactions. Most of the smiles I have are fake, and the giggles are formatted from times where I would giggle.

Truthfully, I've never felt much of anything else except for this longing of leaving, to escape and to see the world. Hopefully this wil give me the feelings I need. The emotions that I don't have, I wish that the city could just flick a switch and it'll all turn on. 

But that's not how things work.