Risk

Fourteen

Natasha changed out of her dress and into her dark black jeans, pulling a soft white tank top with thin straps over her lace white bra and throwing on a black leather jacket to complete her look. She packed up a small backpack with a change of clothes, some wine and food she had spare and went to collect her toothbrush from the bathroom.

One her way, she knocked Wanda's door softly, peering in to check she was alright but found her passed out on her bed still in her funeral dress. Natasha covered her over to keep her warm before heading back to her room to collect her bag, knowing she would be fine until she returned since she at least had Clint. She paused seeing Clint wasn't in the living room where she expected him to be and glanced around until she found him, standing on the fire escape stairs outside the kitchen window. She opened the window a little more, leaning her head out to him.

He hadn't noticed her yet, and she watched a few tears escape down his cheeks silently as he stood smiling on a large cigar. Her chest tightened with hurt, hating to see him so upset after he'd been such a rock. "Hey, you okay?"

He jumped slightly, startled by her and wiped his eyes quickly before he smiled down at her. "Yeah! Yeah I'm good. Just wanted a little fresh air."

"By fresh air do you mean, Cuban tobacco?" She raised a brow at the cigar in his hand. He pressed his lips together and shrugged, helping her as she pulled herself out to join him.

"Bought it as soon as I heard." He explained, motioning to the cigar. "It's what we did, remember? Last night of ever place we were in."

"You'd both smoke a cigar from the country we were in." She nodded in understanding, folding her arms as she studied him. He turned back out towards the city, taking another drag from the cigar and blowing out the smoke as he leaned his elbows on the edge of the metal railing. He avoided looking at her the best she could, but she had already seen that he was hurting more than he let on. She linked her arm through his, and rested her head against his shoulder as she squeezed his arm gently.

"Why the fuck is life so unfair?" He sighed, tapping out the ash on the cigar.

"I know," she sighed softly, "But that's just life. It's complicated."

"It sucks." He states bluntly, "It really fucking sucks."

She nodded silently, taking hold of his free hand. "God, you're freezing." She frowned, "How long have you been out here?"

He just shrugged in response, holding up the cigar. "I've been trying to finish this,"

She took it from him before he could continue, lifting it to her lips to take a drag and immediately coughing when the smoke hit the back of her throat.  Clint couldn't help but snigger, patting her back gently to help her regain her breath.

"You've lost your touch," he lightly teased, and she narrowed her eyes coolly at him as she tried again, this time managing to exhale the smoke expertly.

"I don't lose any of my skills ever." She smirked, handing it back to him. He chuckled softly as he put out the cigar on the railing and dropped it the 4 floors into and empty dumpster below. "Nice aim."

"I don't lose my skills either." He winked before leaning back against the ladders on the escape descending from the platform above them and fell silent once more.

She copied him, leaning against the railings as she faced him, frowning in concern. "You're not fooling me, Clint." He pushes his hands into his pockets and glanced at the ground. "Talk to me." She urged gently.

"I should have been here." He said with a shrug. "Simple as that. I shouldn't have ever left, I should have been here."

"Clint, you can't think like that-"

"No, I can Tasha." He said firmly, the tears already returning to his eyes. "I can, because I know I should have been here. I've wasted so much time out on my own when I should have been here with you guys. Now one of my best friends is gone forever and I can never catch up with him again. Crack open some beers and smoke cigars while reminiscing because he's dead."

"You cannot think like that." She repeated firmly, moving forward to wrap her arms around him. "This was a freak accident, a stupid fucking mess that no one could have predicted." She felt his weight against her as he needed to use her as support for a moment, clinging to her tightly.

"I just wish I'd done it all differently. Called more. Visited more." He sighed, drying his cheeks on the back of his hand. "I wish everything was back to the way it was before I left."

She just nodded slightly, her green eyes watching him as he stared down at her. They had been in sync with one another ever since they met when they were 12, fast friends as a result of it and continuous friends throughout their life since they got one another. They were soul mates, they had joked before, something they had never planned to act on, but eventually had just before he left. As confusing as it made things, they never regretted it once.

"Sometimes I wish that too." She admitted quietly, letting her eyes drop their gaze to his lips as he gave a soft smile.

And she so nearly leaned towards them.

And he knew it. 

An invisible force drawing her in even though they both knew they shouldn't. For the same reasons and one different one Clint was unaware of.

So they didn't.

Even though they wanted to.