side effects || taekook

~one~

Antidepressants, simply put, are the worst.

Okay, maybe only Jeongguk feels that way. He understands the use of them, don't get him wrong. The purpose of them is in the name. They battle Jeongguk's depression, and hey, they help with other people's mental illnesses too - anxiety, OCD, bipolar, just to name a few.

The problem with them is the side effects.
Some side effects are so bad that they're a deal breaker, no matter how well they work against battling his depression. He's tried so many, Jeongguk isn't even sure which medicine he's actually taking right now. Jin helps him with that though, like the good hyung he is, reminding him to take his meds on time, as well as reminding him of his appointments and occasionally joining him for emotional support.

But no matter how supporting and understanding the rest of Bangtan is, their love is nothing in comparison to some of the crippling side effects.

One medication made him so tired. Jeongguk is a hard kid to wake up in general, but he was so dead to the world that the others were sort of afraid that he was actually dead. When he was able to wake up, it was hard to stay awake. All he wanted to do was sleep, and not in the way Yoongi always wants to sleep. No, Yoongi is just lethargic and enjoys napping whenever he can. Jeongguk, however, fell asleep during an interview (standing up) because it was so hard to keep his eyes open. And when he was forced to stay awake, he was all weepy. He just wanted to cry because he was so tired.

Another medication had him living in a fog. It was hard to concentrate and enjoy life because it all just felt like he was an outsider, watching his life play out on a movie screen.

Some meds didn't even work.

It was just all obnoxious side effects on top of his depression. One med made him very angry and the members were walking on eggshells around him.

Without medicines to help him, Jeongguk was at the mercy of his depression. Some days he'd be fine and could enjoy his time, but most days, all he felt up to doing was laying in bed and staring at the wall, making the occasional trip to relieve his bladder.

He didn't feel up to eating. Overwatch seemed like the most uninteresting thing ever. He'd miss dance practice, and his vocal coach always made an effect to call and check up on him. Sometimes he'd cry for no reason at all, but at least it made him feel something.

The days of the week with his hyungs went like so:

Jimin liked to visit him on Mondays. He wouldn't say anything, not even a silly comment on the fact that Jeongguk hadn't showered in awhile. He'd just curl up against the maknae's chest and the latter would wrap his arms around his hyung, and Jimin would let him squeeze and squeeze and squeeze until Jeongguk finally cried himself to sleep. Jimin was never there the next morning. Dance practice or something.

Somehow that always made him feel worse.

On Tuesday, when Taehyung would visit, he'd scoop Jeongguk right into his lap and talk about his day. He'd tell Jeongguk about all the things he missed and the way he told the stories made Jeongguk feel like he was there too.

Jeongguk would listen as Taehyung listed the things that made his hyung think of him, the places he wanted to go together, and the things he wanted to do and see. Sometimes, Jeongguk joined the conversation and the two would fantasize about their time together - traveling and doing so many things. They'd talk, or mostly, Taehyung would talk until they both fell asleep in the middle of a conversation.
Taehyung would be there the next morning, their limbs all entangled together and Jeongguk wouldn't be sure where he ended and where Taehyung started.

Jeongguk enjoyed his time with Taehyung the most.

Hoseok was similar to Taehyung when he visited on Wednesday's. He and Jeongguk would latch onto each other equally so that neither one of them was the big spoon and neither was the little. Hoseok would just talk and talk and talk. He'd talk about anything from his day to his plans for the next to what they had for breakfast. They'd watch movies together (though Jeongguk didn't feel up to it most days). They'd fall asleep eventually, and just like Jimin, Hoseok was never there in the morning.