sometimes life isn't fair

Three

Dear diary:

Mother never seems to raise her voice.
That is yet another thing that confuses me.
Many things confuse me these days.

Time confuses me.
There are no clocks on the walls of my room, no radio. I thought about it for a while before reaching to the conclusion that there are many people that don't have clocks in their room. It is most likely common to have them elsewhere in their house.
It is confusing however, that I hear a ticking of a clock but I see nothing that could make such a precise sound.
I must be hearing things.

Mother's clothes confuse me.
She wears a white coat with a name tag clipped to the left breast pocket.
I am still yet to understand why she wears such a thing. But Mother is strange, and so am I. So I suppose it mustn't be anything important.

My brain confuses me.
My brain turns to mush sometimes. It is a strange feeling, one that I have gotten used to over my time spent in my room. Mother insists that I take my pills to help but it seems to only be worsening.
Sometimes I try to think about past days, but my brain doesn't let me. It is becoming harder and harder to recollect my childhood memories or any memories at all.
Some days I cannot remember your face, some days I cannot remember your touch.
But I always remember your words.

"Sometimes life isn't fair. Just smile and move on"

Remembering those words used to bring me joy, knowing a part of me would never forget you.

But now, i find myself faltering. Your voice that once brought a soft embracing warmth upon my heart, now brings an unfamiliar sickeningly feeling into my stomach. One that I cannot seem to ignore as much as I try.