Lies Left Unsaid

Phillip

My girls meant everything to me and now one of them was gone. It was like someone had performed open-heart surgery on me, but never stitched me back together. I was raw, exposed, left with my chest ripped open and a new heart that had no semblance to the old. I couldn't breathe. I awoke each morning, drenched in sweat, in a panic that made my chest feel tight like I was dying, which I would gladly do if it meant I could bring Cat back. That's what I called her, Cat, Kit Cat, when she was little. I remember the day we brought her home from the hospital, so tiny and fragile. She was so small in fact, that she could sleep with her head rested in the palm of my hand and her tiny body draped down half the length of my arm. Vivian had gotten pregnant early into our courtship. It didn't matter though. I knew I would marry her the second I laid eyes on her. The marriage would just happen a little sooner than I had planned. Our wedding day was the third greatest day of my life. The first two being the days my daughters were born. My whole life was changed the day Cat came into it, and it was turned upside down now that she was no longer a part of it. I had failed Cat. When she was little, I promised that I would always take care of her and keep her safe, but I hadn't kept my promise. I would never forgive myself for that.

I couldn't talk to Viv about my feelings. I couldn't talk to her about anything these days. She seemed so cold. She was pulling away. Maybe it was because I traveled so much. But I knew this was just a rough patch. We could make it through. We'd been married for 17 years for crying out loud.

I knew that we were on the detective's short list of possible suspects, but there was no way I would ever lay a hand on my daughter. My girls were my everything, my sun, my moon and my stars. But how do you explain that to someone who barely knows you? The detectives would believe what they wanted to believe, which was fine, as long as it didn't deter them from finding my little Kit Cat.

In the meantime, I would be strong for my family. I would do whatever I needed to keep them safe. I wasn't going to lose what was left of my family. We would stay together. We would get through this together. And I hoped, that when this was all over, we would be able to be normal again one day. But I was kidding myself. I realize that now. A life without Cat was our new normal and there was nothing normal about it.