The Beginning and the Memory// 13RW

16 So Fucked

For the passed few weeks, I had put in more effort and work into healing than I ever had before. I knew that I was lucky to still be alive, and I would forever be in debt to Justin and Zach for saving me. With this second chance that I had been given at life, I was bound and determined to be able to walk again, and to be happy again. I wouldn't disappoint anyone like that again, my only goal was to make everyone proud.
      Zach had been keeping a close eye on me as well, to make sure that I didn't try to hurt myself again. It was a busy life for him now, taking care of me and Alex and also juggling that with baseball, but he never showed any signs of it bothering him or being too much for him to handle. I loved him with all my heart, no doubt about it. Nothing could make me change my mind.
     "Emm?"
     I took a breath, lifting my head from the journal I had been writing in. I found Zach's eyes, a smile forming on his face.
     I smiled, tapping my pen on the book, "Hey."
     He slipped into the seat in front of me at the round table, setting his bag onto the floor.
     "You doing okay?" He asked, taking my hand and bringing it to his lips.
     I rolled my eyes, a giggle escaping my lips, "I love you. And yeah, I'm doing okay. Just writing some stuff," I looked back down at my journal, "since my therapist would like me to write down my feelings."
      He peeked at the words, raising his eyebrows playfully at me, "are you writing about me?"
      I laughed, "yeah, about how annoying you are."
    He gasped, holding his hand to his heart, "is it because I always ask you if you're doing okay? And make sure you get home safely? And that you eat and get your exercise?"
    "Okay, okay," I laughed again, hitting him playfully on the arm, "I was kidding, you're not annoying. I'm very thankful for everything you do for me, love."
    "I know," he spoke softly, the smile back on his face.
    "Hey, guys."
     Jess sat in the seat beside me, pulling her homework out of her bag before setting it onto the floor beside her. She lay the paper and her book on the table with a sigh.
     "Hey," Zach nodded to her, and I smiled at her sympathetically.
     "You doing okay?" I asked her, and she laughed slightly.
     "You're starting to sound like him," she nodded to Zach and I laughed.
      "Hey, it's not my fault he asks all the time and I just caught on," I rolled my eyes, looking over at her homework, "oh, that's 22 by the way."
     "Thanks," she sighed, writing the answer down, "I'm just so tired of class. All I can think about is this stupid fucking trial."
     "I know," I mumbled, drawing scribbles on the open notebook paper.
     "Clay keeps bothering me to testify against Bryce," Jess mumbled, rolling her eyes and shaking her head, "I just don't think I can tell everyone in that courtroom that I was.. you know. I don't think I can handle that many people knowing and belittling me."
     I shook my head, reaching out to grab her hand, "no, Jess. They won't belittle you. Maybe, if we both testify, even though it's going to be severely difficult, we could take Bryce down for good."
     She furrowed her eyebrows at me, "Emm, that shit is not easy to talk about for me... My parents don't even know."
      "My mom doesn't either," I told her quietly, squeezing her hand, "but we aren't Bryce's only victims. And we could save other girls from him for good, Jess."
      She exhaled through her nose, "I'm sorry, Emm, but I just can't do it."
     She stood up to leave, but I kept ahold of her hand.
     "Jess, you don't have to leave. I understand that you don't want to testify, I support you," she looked at me, her eyes glossy, "please, stay."
     She slowly sat back down, sighing at her homework once again.
     "Guys!"
     Justin slammed his hands on the table, completely out of breath, "you guys have to see this. Come on."
      We all looked at each other in confusion before quickly following Justin out the door.
     "Holy shit," I breathed, gawking at the baseball field.
     The singular word "Rapist" was burned into the ground directly in the center of the field.
     "Holy fuck, dude," Zach ran a hand through his hair, holding his hand out in the direction of the field and looking at Justin, "who did this, man?"
      "I don't know," Justin shook his head, "but Bryce isn't going to be happy."
      "Has anyone else seen it?" I asked, unable to tear my eyes away from the word that had a deeper meaning to me than I wished it had, and to Jess as well. The trials and the tapes being released had caused chaos throughout Crestmont High. First, Zach had been harassed by the boys in the locker room about his secret relationship with Hannah, and now the word "rapist" being burned into the baseball field. But again, I wasn't surprised, because it was just like the people in this school to react this way.
       I saw Justin shake his head and squint at the sun from the corner of my eye, "no, just me-"
     "What in the fuck is this shit?"
      I looked over at Justin, then to the pissed off coach that was hurrying over to the field with the whole baseball team behind him.
     "Well, I was the only one," Justin muttered before he and Zach left Jess and I to meet coach.
     "Whoever did this is so fucked," Jess mumbled, and I nodded slowly while I repeated,
     "So fucked."