Because She Loved Him

Introspection

Her mind wandered back over the years, she couldn't remember a time when she did not love him. He was her universe, the reason for her heartbeat. They had two amazing children and she wanted more. That was all she had ever really needed Bjorn and their children.

But she was the girl with the golden hair, with the voice soaked in miracles, she belonged to Abba, just like Benny and Frida did but she only ever sang for Bjorn. Abba was bigger than all of them.

Bjorn had such talent, such drive and ambition and she loved that about him, she loved being in Abba, she loved Frida like a sister and Benny ...she loved him too. She couldn't imagine being without them but she had started to wonder if Bjorn still loved her or loved Abba more. Was he only still with her because of Abba?

He had become so distant, all he seemed to do was spend time at the studio pushing Abba to greater and greater things, he got so angry with her if she dared to say anything about the children or family life, when he wasn't at the studio he was at business meetings pushing brand Abba. She missed him so much.

She looked forward to him coming home and spending time with her and the kids and would always make the effort to cook his favourite meals and make sure that his world at home was peaceful.

It wasn't that she didn't want Abba to succeed, she did, she really did and she was grateful for the success that they had already had. She loved to sing with Frida and make the beautiful sound that only their two voices could. She loved spending time with Bjorn in the studio and pushing herself to sing impossible notes because she trusted him. She even loved watching Benny and Bjorn work at creating their masterpieces but singing live terrified her because she was so scared of all the people and when they went on tour she missed the children so much and she so much wanted to give them a stable, loving upbringing.

Bjorn always said there was time, he said that Abba wouldn't last forever, people would fall out of love with it so they had to stay with it until the ride ended. Agnetha was never so sure, the years passed so quickly.

He still made her heart stop every time he walked into the room, she still couldn't keep her hands off him, he was still the only man in the world for her, the only one who understood her, made her feel safe, sheltered her from the world and chased away all her demons.

What had happened she wondered to make him so cold and distant despite her best efforts, she knew she had gone through a rough few months after Christian was born but she felt so much better now. Why did he turn away from her at night. Maybe the children were too much for him, Christian was a colicky baby and was still waking many times overnight.

Was it because she had asked Bjorn for a break from Abba after Christian was born and he had said it wasn't possible, that we needed to get on with the next album to keep up with momentum.

She was desperate to solve the problems in their marriage and had asked Bjorn to go to marriage counselling with her, in fairness to him he did accompany her but they had got no further than him saying that she had changed and was more concerned with the children than anything else. She admitted that her priorities had changed but that she still loved him and wanted to be with Abba, just not away so much. She admitted that she drove him crazy but that's why they fell in love all those years ago. She had tried to explain that even though her priorities had changed she loved him more than ever before.

Sometimes things would be better for a while after these sessions but she could feel that Bjorn's mind was elsewhere when he was with them, she wished she knew where