I swear I know your face (but I don't know who you are)

chapter 16

Shawn's eyes burned into hers, intense and slightly accusing.

After literally running away from Cara's party the previous night, she did not hesitate a second to send a text to the boy asking him to meet up the next morning. Things between them were clearly tense but they hadn't talked about the consequences of her rejection to his marriage proposal.

When Camila saw him, she knew she needed to tell him the truth, it was something they both deserved. It was not right for their relationship and for what they had tried to build.

The boy stared at her, his jaw tense and his irises were a mixture of disappointment and regret. Camila lowered her face, unable to hold Shawn's gaze. She knew that she had done nothing wrong: besides the almost kiss with y/n the previous night, she'd never cheated on him. Yes, some of her behaviors were open to misinterpretation but she never crossed the line that would make her appear a cheater and when the situation was almost out of her hand, she always pulled back. This helped her to understand that it was time to fix things.

“Is it for her?” Shawn finally asked with a small voice.

Camila swallowed and shook her head. “I can't marry you, Shawn, I explained to you why.” she said softly. “And I'm sorry I didn't tell you but I was this person’s wife only on paper and I have already submitted the divorce papers.”

“Then why, Camila?” he asked, rising on his feet. “If you sent the divorce papers, Camila, why can't you marry me? Or is it better to say, you do not want to.” 

“Shawn, please, don't make things harder.” she muttered with a lump in her throat. “I have feelings for you, strong feelings, but I can't marry you. It wouldn't be right for either of us.”

Shawn gripped his jaw tightly and Camila could clearly see his eyes become moist for a second and the guilt caught her immediately. She did not want to hurt him, she did not want to hurt anyone but she was aware that that situation would put a strain on everyone.

“I love you, Camila.” he murmured with a weak voice.

“I love you too, Shawn.” she said. “But I can't marry you.”

There was a long moment of silence, Camila pointed her eyes on the work table, getting lost in the colors smeared on the palette and she could hear the guy approach her. She felt Shawn's hand stroke her cheek with love and Camila stared at him intently, loosing herself in his dark eyes.

“I'll miss you.” he whispered.

“You too.” she said. “But there is no need to end this, we were friends once.”

Shawn smiled sadly. “Your heart belongs to someone else.” he said. “I don't know if I'll ever be able to live with this awareness.” he leaned over to kiss her softly. “I wish you the best, Camila, be happy for the both of us.”

And just as he had approached, he let go of her face and stepped back. They looked at each other for a long moment, then, with a sad smile, Shawn turned towards the exit. Camila stared at him until he reached the door and when the boy opened it, she had to clench her eyes tightly to stop the trembling of her heart.

The door closed and the noise echoed through the silence of the art gallery, making her stomach turn. Behind closed eyelids, Camila could almost see her paintings retreat for the noise that suddenly came to disturb the peace. She ran her hands over her face, trying to banish the weary sadness that was hunching her lips into a bitter grimace.

She did not want to cry but she was tired, so tired.

She sighed heavily, massaging for a brief instant the tense muscles of her neck and shoulders, before returning to focus her attention on the colors beside her. She did not want to cry and the best way to avoid that was direct her feelings into her art. The break up with Shawn had gone better than she had expected but this did not prevent her from feeling pain at the thought of what she had let go. She no longer loved Shawn but the awareness of hurting him made her feel dieinside.