Always Okay ─ n. romanoff ✓

three

SASHA wasn't generally the kind of girl who needed to go running to other people when she had problems. She probably should have been, but it wasn't her thing. She tended to be the kind of person who kept all of her feelings locked deep down. It wasn't like she boxed them up and ignored them either. She simply let them sit there and fester, doing nothing to stop them from swallowing her heart whole and decaying her insides.

Today, however, she felt like making an exception. Natasha had taken things to an entirely new level of weird, and Sasha wanted to talk about it. Audrey couldn't know about the S.H.I.E.L.D thing, and Sasha preferred to omit the ana thing, but some of it had to come out. Beneath her genius IQ and years of trauma that took away her childhood, Sasha was still a teenager who wanted to be a normal kid and go to school and confide in friends--or rather friend, singular--like everyone else.

As twisted as it was, sometimes stretching the truth made her feel more normal. She never flat-out lied to anyone, but in the interest of keeping S.H.I.E.L.D. safe, there were bits of her story she had to rename. She couldn't exactly tell Audrey that she was a trained Russian assassin and Natasha was an agent assigned to take care of her, so her Natasha-approved cover story was that she was a foster kid until her "mother" adopted her almost four years ago. Although a life in foster care would have sucked, it was so much more normal than spending every night since you could walk handcuffed to your bed. It wasn't even a crazy, complex cover story, but it was nice to pretend that she wasn't Anya Avilova.

Sasha ran the last couple blocks to school, for once not because of an eating disorder. Audrey usually got to school as soon as the door opened, so she'd be there by the time Sasha arrived.

When she got there, Sasha hopped up the steps of the building and yanked open one of the big double doors at the front entrance. She walked down the hall with an awkward hop in her step. As Sasha got closer, Audrey looked up from her history textbook and raised an eyebrow. She pulled out her earbuds.

"Hey," Audrey said once Sasha was close enough. "You look like you're having a fun day."

"Ha ha." Sasha slid her back down the lockers so that she was sitting beside Audrey. "Go to hell."

Audrey stuck her tongue out. "Nice to see you too. So what happened?"

"Out of nowhere, my mom asked me if I wanted a ride. I wasn't sure what to do, so I told her I did. It felt like she wanted me to tell her something. I started to choke, and I think I pissed her off. I just wanted to get rid of her, so I made some stuff up and told her I was going to walk." Sasha shook her head. "It was so weird. She's not the kind of person who asks those things."

Audrey had only met Natasha once, and it was at one of Sasha's soccer games that Clint and Laura dragged Nat to. She didn't know Nat all that well, but she had a pretty good idea of her prickly demeanor.

"Oh no. Never accept rides from parents if you can help it. You definitely dodged a bullet." Audrey yanked the second earbud out of her ear. "So you have no idea what she wanted?"

Sasha shook her head.

"No."

She certainly had an inkling of what Natasha wanted to talk about, but Nat didn't actually tell her what was going on.

"That really sucks." Audrey shook her head. "Parents are fucking weird, man. We still hanging out after school? Because I have absolutely no idea what's going on in my math class, and you're smarter than the teacher."

"I don't know about that." Sasha snorted. Logically, she knew what her I.Q. was, and she knew she was smart, but she didn't always believe it. She felt like an idiot eighty-five percent of the time, especially lately. "Yeah, I can still hang. What are you guys doing?"

"Exponential growth."

"Riveting."

★★★

Right after school, Sasha and Audrey walked to their favorite coffee place a few blocks away. They spent approximately two hours on homework, one hour scrolling through Audrey's Instagram feed, and another hour using the coffee shop's wifi to watch YouTube. Once the sun began to set, Audrey dragged Sasha back to her own apartment for dinner, which Sasha was beyond terrified for. But she wasn't about to break that to Audrey, and it wasn't like she had anywhere better to be.

The two of them arrived at Audrey's just after eight o'clock, both cackling so loud it was shocking no neighbors came out to complain. Audrey unlocked the front door and led Sasha inside.

"I'm in the kitchen, Aud!" Audrey's mother, Alena, called. Sasha suddenly felt so uncomfortable in her skin. She always got the sense that Audrey's mom hated her, not that Sasha could blame her. Audrey started to remove her shoes, and Sasha followed her friend's lead.

"Okay!" Audrey yelled back. "I brought Sasha too! Is that okay?"

"Of course!" was the response. The girls walked into the kitchen, where Alena was busy stirring a pot of pasta. When she saw them, she stopped what she was doing and kissed the top of Audrey's head lightly.

"Hey, honey." She smiled. "And Sasha! I feel like I haven't seen you in a while. I swear, you get taller every time I see you."

"Yeah, I guess it has been a while." Sasha shrugged awkwardly. Her body felt tense with anxiety. Her hands shook and Alena was looking at her as though she was expecting her to say something.

"So...what's for dinner?" Audrey jumped in. A wave of relief surged through Sasha's body, settling her rattling bones. Alena turned away from them to stir the pot.

"Just spaghetti with sauce," she said. "Hope that's alright with you, Sasha."

"Yeah, it's fine." Her voice quivered. "I'm not really that hungry anyway."

"Sash, you've hardly eaten all day. You didn't eat lunch, and all you ate at the coffee place was a granola bar. How are you possibly not hungry?"

"Honey, you have to eat something." Alena turned back around. Sasha's breath hitched in her throat.

"I-" She was cut off by her phone buzzing in her pocket. She pulled it out, the screen lit up with message after message from Natasha.

Sasha, where are you?

I'm coming to Audrey's.

I don't know where else you'd be.

Sasha.

Sasha.

Answer.

Sasha.

Now.

It's Fury.

I'm outside.

We have to go.

"What's wrong?" Audrey's brows furrowed. The thoughts in Sasha's head were running wild.

"It's my mom. I-I have to go. Thanks for having me. I'm so sorry about this. I'll text you later, Audrey."

She ran out of the room, jammed her feet into her sneakers, and hurried out of the apartment. Sasha tripped into the elevator and frantically pressed the button labeled "L". The second the doors opened, she took off at full speed to Nat's car, which was idling out front. She hopped into the front seat, breathing heavily. Natasha suddenly floored it without a word, not even giving Sasha a chance to put on her seatbelt.

"Hey, hey, what the hell is going on?" Sasha exclaimed.

"It's Fury. He was shot."

Sasha sat back in her seat. He had told her. He had known this was coming.

★★★

Hello. I'm so sorry it's been a minute. I have school and college applications and shit, and it's been taking up a lot of time. Hopefully, I'll be getting the rest of those applications out soon and have more time for writing.