Karma // BlueK47

prolouge

Taymor

I wiped my puffy red eyes for the seventh time this morning. I was cuddled in my bed with tissues all around me as Ciara played in the background. She was singing about how she bet someone would start loving her as soon as she started loving someone else.

Girl was right about that.

I was so used to using niggas and throwing them away after I was done and karma finally came and got my ass. This shit hurt.

I wouldn't wish this type of pain on my worst enemy.  He told me he loved me and I laughed in his face. I called him my 'buddy' instead of mine.

I guess he got tired of my bullshit and that's when he kicked me to the curb. I wasn't worried since I knew he'd come back but this time it wasn't like that.

I saw him with another girl smiling and shit like he was on the cover of a magazine. I saw that twinkle he gets in his eye when he laughs.

The same twinkle he used to give me...

I let out a small sob and curled into a ball letting the music play throughout my room. I really fucked up this time.

My phone rang and I let it. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I hadn't eaten in almost three days and my head hurt from all his cry.

My head didn't hurt as bad as my heart. It wasn't even nowhere near the pain my heart was in.

My phone stopped buzzing for a second and started back up again. Whoever it was wasn't getting a call back so they needed to just let it go.

The song switched and Shoulda Known Better was now blasting through my speaker. My closed my eyes listening to the words.

The same words Jonathan said to me the day he walked out of my life. The song related to him more but it just made me reminisce on how I treated him.

I shoulda known better
Than to entertain the thought of me and you together

A tear slipped.

Every season has its turn
And by the end the lessons learned
Cause the reason falls on me

I blamed him for our fall out. I always gave him a hard time when he was just doing his job. More tears began to fall.

I never shoulda let me love you
Cause my love will never be enough to change

By this time the tears were flowing and I was letting out loud sobs. He said showing his love to me was a mistake because I would always be the same.

He was right for the most part but as soon as he walked out all of that went out the window.

All I wanted was what we had back. The laughs, the love, the attention, the sex, everything. I wanted my Jonathan back.

I heard a noise downstairs that sounded like my front door opening. Nine times out of ten it was Symere and Nick coming in to check on me.

Even though they know this was all my fault, and don't have a problem telling me, they still come in and check on me.

They bring me food and what not but I don't eat it. I already knew they were going to come in here with their bullshit.

My room door opened and I immediately put a pillow over my face. "L-Leave me alone." I sobbed hiccuping at the end.

"Y-You don't have to tell m-me how mu-much I fucked u-up. I k-k-know." A familiar smell hit my nose causing me to cry harder.

The bed dipped and his arms wrapped around my waist pulling my back towards his chest. "Shh." He whispered holding me close to him.

"W-What are you doing h-here?" I asked trying to calm myself down but failing.

"I tried walking away and being with someone else but my heart is with you. My soul is with you. The reason I live is for you."

I wanted to say something but my voice wouldn't allow it. All I could do was cry and let him hold me until I fell asleep in his arms.