My Testimony and Other Experiences

chapter 4 May 1st and May 2nd 2019. Receiving Jesus into my life

Set free from the demon of anger by the power of Jesus.

I want to share my experience I went through recently. When I don't know what to say or have a hard time expressing my emotions, I turn to the next best thing - writing. So here it goes. A few days after Easter, I got to thinking about my anger outbursts or "rage blackouts" as I call them, where I am fine one minute and the next something very small happens and I black out. When I come to, I am shaking and crying, not knowing what happened until someone tells me. Do I enjoy them? No, I decided to find out the problem.

I prayed and asked God to reveal to me the cause of these outbursts. After a few days of no answer, I forgot about it. This dream came from God. I saw this dream from both my point of view and outside of my point of view in the third person.

On May 1st, when I went to bed, I had a dream that I had another one of my anger or rage outbursts. My mom was in the dream, along with my two nephews, my brother, and my sister-in-law. We were at their house playing and having fun. It was around Halloween of this year because we carved pumpkins, and one had 2019 on it.

Anyway, I was seeing it from my point of view; well, it seemed like my oldest nephew made my youngest nephew cry three times already earlier before the dream started, so I got up and went through the house to the kitchen to get a drink or something, shaking my head and smiling a little and saying "boys will be boys."

When out of nowhere, I saw it from outside my point of view like a movie. I saw this shadow or black thing standing by me. It had red eyes and red claws. God later revealed to me that it was the spirit of anger and rage. It put its hands on my shoulders, and I heard it whisper, "how much longer are you going to stand that? It's happened three times already." She felt her anger grow just a little and tried to fight it. The demon continued.

"Doesn't that noise annoy you? And cause you anxiety?" Beth started to get warm and a little shaky. She knew she was losing the fight. The demon chuckled, knowing she was almost his once again. "Yes, that's it, let your rage take over your mind, heart, and spirit like all those times before. You are mine."

Suddenly, I had a flashback of all the times I had an outburst. The same demon was there every time, whispering things to me, and I would repeat all the horrible words he wanted me to say. I came back to the present, but I was too late. She had snapped.
"NO, STOP!" I screamed at her. My cry fell on deaf ears as I saw her. She screamed, cursed, and pushed the youngest nephew down hard. Beth's mom and sister-in-law came into the room, and she went off about how they are always crying and whining, and other horrible words, cussing with almost every word.

The demon laughed in victory at his accomplishment as she threw things, hit her mom, and sister-in-law when they tried to grab her.

Suddenly, I was in my point of view again, only this time I heard my thoughts, "Someone help me, this isn't me, I'm scared. Please make it stop, I'm sorry, I'm sorry."

I was back in the third person point of view when the demon said, "enough."
Beth stopped and stood in a daze slowly coming around. She cried out, "I'm sorry."

She ran to her house and collapsed onto her bed, sobbing and trembling. There I saw the demon holding her as she cried in remorse and regret. He started to pet her on the head as a master does with their pet.

"No matter how many times you try, you will never escape me, my dear. You are my slave," he said as Beth continued to cry. I turned, sensing someone, and I saw Jesus. He looked right at me, took my hand with one hand, and gently put his other hand on the right side of my face. He sounded like he had been crying as he said.

"Come back to me, please. I love you so much. I don't want you to be separated from me."

Before I could reply, everything went dark. I was on the ground on my knees; chains were on my wrists, feet, and one on my neck. It felt scorching; I could feel it.

The same demon was holding the chain to my neck. I heard him say the words.

"I brought her here myself, master. She is yours now."
I shook and cried in fear as I heard the devil laugh. "Her rage made her turn from God. Now she is ours. Take her to her punishment."

I screamed for Jesus and God with all that was in me when I jumped awake due to my alarm on my phone.

At 3:47 am on May 2nd, I got attacked by the same demon again. I was asleep, and I could feel it trying to cause me to make another outburst. Thankfully, Jesus made it go away, and I woke up. Now I realized what happened. Not only did he reveal the cause of the outbursts, he revealed the consequences to me too.

God revealed this to me as well. I always said I was saved and baptized at 12, but now I am not so sure. I think God is trying to tell me something. Every I remember asked the preacher that night what was it like to get saved, but in my heart, I was doing it because I saw other people doing it, along with getting baptized. So, as a 12-year-old, I did it because other people did it, but I didn't mean it with my heart.

I didn't have Jesus in my life, and I knew it. When I go to church, I feel the Holy Spirit gently tugging at my heart, but my pride and stubbornness kept me from admitting that. I just did it to follow the people and kept me from going to the altar.

May 2nd at 10:00 pm, I asked Jesus to come into my heart and to be the savior of my life with my whole heart. I asked him to forgive me for everything I had done wrong, then I proceeded to tell the demon to leave in Jesus' name. It was there in my room as I prayed.

It did not want to leave; I could tell I felt rage in me. Then I knew it was doing it again. I demanded it to go in Jesus' name, that it no longer had control over my life, and that I belong to God and to Jesus.

When I did that, I felt and heard chains break from me. Then I felt peace like no other. I began to cry, thanking Jesus over and over for my new freedom as I fell asleep that night.