Yenno, for a few month life felt like it was going, right. For once, then everything just kinda took a turn for the worse and everything seemed to turn into a train wreck, in every part of my life. Guess I should have saw it coming I mean, I'm not meant for contentness, my life isn't meant to have content periods. My life is supposed to be full of torment, judgment, hate and bad choices. Fallen back into that, guess that's the way it's meant to be. I'm thinking of not taking my medication anymore, just stop abruptly. Maybe it's better off if I let my mind eat at me from the inside out. Hell that would be a colourful way to go, wouldn't let anyone see it. Just distance myself from everyone, it's best for them, I mean really, what am I doing in people's lives? I don't make any impact, I'm not helpful, hell it's just more stress for everyone. I wonder if I distance myself long enough any shred of feeling for the small group I feel for will disappear, that would leave me an emotionless vessel. Again, maybe that's beneficial to them. Been having a lot of thoughts of being the "bad guy" see how intimidating I can get, throw away the little filter I have and let my anger run wild over anyone who triggers it. I'm going to get locked away if I do it, if I just, let go. Not in jail, but maybe a mental institution. Personally. Let them lock me up. No one will care.
