Saviour - Avengers Fanfiction

Chapter Fifteen

A few days had passed since Bucky and I had gone and pranked the team. Bruce's hair dye was finally starting to come out, Nat had gotten over the mousetraps, and much to our dissapointment Tony had fixed Jarvis already. Though, Jarvis still wouldn't spill on exactly who'd messed him up, bless him. Clint still had a few peices of feather-fluff stuck to him, but he was working on it. What was probably the most amusing was that no one had found out it had been us that did it, that and the fact that Steve was still complaining about the glitter that was refusing to leave his room. And his hair. And his clothes. And his face.

What was different, was the fact that my spirits had dropped. I'd been spending more and more time locked up in my room, staring at pictures of my parents or just moping about, and it hadn't gone unnoticed. By anyone, but especially Bucky. I might have been happy when I first came, and stayed that way for a few days, but I was in shock. Things were finally becoming very real, and very hard to deal with. Bucky had tried to get me to talk to him a couple of times, but I'd just excused myself to go somewhere else. It was about a week and a half later that when the soft knock on my door came, followed by Bucky calling out softly to open the door, that I finally did it. I stood up, looking like an absolute mess, and opened the door.

He paused for a moment, seeing my tear stained face, eyes darting towards my bed where the few pictures I had of my parents were laid out, before he stepped forward and hugged me. I wasn't expecting to like it, wanted to pull away at first as I never really liked hugs, but I stayed. I stayed in his gentle, grounding arms, face buried in his chest, as the waterworks began to flow once more. Before I knew it I was sobbing into the front of his shirt, sitting next to him on the bed while he held me and tried to comfort me.

It broke his heart, seeing me like this, but I couldn't help it. Everything hurt, I felt out of place and out of my body, and I missed them. I missed them so much, they had been all I had. But while I'd been moping and mourning and crying silently to myself over the past few days, I'd come to a decision. I didn't want anything that tied me to them. No pictures, nothing. Not even my name. It was irrational, I knew it. I also had a feeling I would end up regreting it. But I was in pain. Mourning hurt. Everytime I looked at their pictures, it hurt more. And more. And more. I was spiraling somewhere bad, and I could tell. I wasn't oblivious to it, and I wanted to change.

"Bucky...." I whispered, after my sobs had finally died down, though my voice still sounded broken. "I want to change my name.... I want to change it, can we do that?" I asked softly, voice cracking halfway through. To say the question took him by surprise would be an understatement, and he wasn't quite sure what to do with it right away.

"What would you change it to?" He asked quietly after a few moments of silence. "Shade." I said quietly, knowing what I wanted. "Shade Barnes."

Barnes.

It didn't take long for Bucky to figure out what that meant. "You.... You want me to... adopt you?" He asked, voice gentle but surprised. "Are you sure about that?"

"Yes.... People could call me Shae or something, if they don't like Shade, but.... would you? Would you adopt me, Bucky?" I asked, fearing he would say no. It's the reason I waited so long to ask him, was because I figured he would say no. I didn't want our friendship we had to change, kind of like he was my uncle or something, but I didn't want to be an orphan. Some might think it was selfish, but they most likely had at least one of their parents, or a brother, sister, someone. The only person I really had had his arms wrapped around me right now, thinking about what he should say to what I just asked. Or, that's what I thought. Turns out, he knew exactly what his answer was.

"Of course..... Of course I'll adopt you..." He whispered, hold tightening just the slightest bit. "How could I ever say no?" He murmured, and my heart soared. I was still going to call him Bucky, nothing authority wise would change between us, but I'd be his daughter, legally. "We can do it today, if you want." He offered, not bothering to remind me I should think about this, think it through, nothing like that. He knew I'd thought it through, fully, and so he knew it was what I wanted.

That was exactly what happened. A few hours later we walked out of the legal building, a small smile on my face, and Bucky with the same expression. My name was no longer Manda, a name I'd always hated anyways, Manda Reel, but Shade Barnes. And I couldn't have been more certain, nor happier, about my decision.

Now, we may or may not have told the team we were doing this..... So everyone was rather surprised. No one critisized it, no one made me feel bad about what I'd gone and done, and Tony, surprisingly, pulled me into a hug. Sometimes, it was hard to remember he understood what I was going through more than anyone else. "You'll get through it, kiddo..... The pain goes away, after a while." He promised softly, before letting go and offering a gentle smile. I hadn't even said anything about why I'd done it, but Tony knew. Of course he knew. He'd done worse mourning his mom.

A few more days went by, and people were getting used to calling me by my new name. I'd dropped out of school, but I was learning more at the tower than I ever would in a classroom. The only reason I'd need my highschool diploma was for College or University if I decided to go, but Tony had already promised me he'd buy my way into whatever school I wanted. I'd chuckled at the offer, but I was glad for it anyway. It was easier to fit in with this band of misfits than you would think, especially with how everyone just kind of accepted me without question.

I'd also discovered I had a hidden talent for the guitar. I spent my time playing around with it, with more time on my hands than was good for me, and I was getting pretty good, considering how long I'd been playing. It kept me distracted, anyways. Bucky helped with that too, giving me options for things to do, and I was grateful. He wasn't overbearing, he didn't really hover, but at least he was there. He was there for me, whenever I needed him, whether I knew it or not.

It helped, it really did. Not being alone, that was. See, being alone physically and mentally are two completely different worlds. I'd always enjoyed being alone physically, still do. But being alone mentally was something I'd disovered I hated. Feeling like you had nobody..... It's a terrible feeling, let me just tell you that. Bucky made it all feel better, by taking away that particular kind of pain. Just by being him, and being there.

Just little things. That's all it took. I was sitting alone in my room, trying to get my fingers around a new chord I was teaching myself, when Bucky knocked at my door. It opened a moment later, revealing him with a little smile on his face. "Hey kiddo, how's it working for ya?" He asked, leaning against the wall. I raised an eyebrow, but shrugged with a little smile. "I wish it was working." I chuckled, causing him to do the same.

"What do you say you and I take a little walk?" He suggested, and after a moment of hesitation I agreed. Unlike what I'd feared, nothing had really changed between the two of us. Thank God. Because I really didn't want another father figure. I wanted a friend. Yes, I'm only fifteen, and he's technichally over a hundred, but he was the friend I could never have known I'd need. "Sounds good to me!" I agreed, smiling as I set the guitar down beside me on the bed and stood up to stretch. "I was thinking I could show you around a little more, since you haven't really gotten the chance since you came." I lit up more at that, smiling wider and genuinely now. He could tell the difference.

"Thanks! I'd like that." I nodded, excited. I was adjusting to my new normal, but the one thing I really hadn't gotten was a decent tour of New York. I didn't want a bus tour, no. I wanted a real tour, of good places to eat, to hang out, to get away for a while.... And Bucky was just the guy to do that.