Short Stories

Invasion of Heaven

Reaching above my head, I grabbed my dainty halo and set it on the stand next to my mirror. I resisted cackling out of joy, knowing the sound would alert any angel within a mile that I was not in fact Stephael Jones. Considering the fact that I was currently in heaven, that would be a heck of a lot of angels. 

Why was I so happy? I had completed my task, of course. Infiltrating heaven wasn't exactly an easy feat. I had to get a disguise, practice acting like a goody-two-shoes, and steal myself a halo. Stealing the halo took a bit of cleanup effort and a few unbreakable chains for my good friend Stephael Jones, but otherwise I thought I did a nice job at my task.

Now all I had to do was press the button. Most people would assume that the security gate between heaven and hell was a bit more than a big metal gate, but they would assume wrong. However the big metal gate was made from Celestial Gold, which sucks. Demons can't touch it or they shrivel up and die, which again really sucks. 

So I just had to approach the gate, but not touch it, and press the big red button that opened the gate. Then the demon army would invade heaven, kill all the angels with our Celestial Iron weapons, which they can't touch. Then we'll win, take over heaven, and just wreak havoc over the universe. 

Awesome. 

Reaching out for my stolen halo, I once again placed it over my head and stepped outside the door to Stephael Jones' mediocre room. I strutted down the hall, acting like I knew better than everyone else, which is a pretty foolproof way to fit in as an angel. I couldn't resist grabbing a golden chocolate bar from out of a bowl as I walked by, munching on it as I walked away. 

But things never go that well, right? 

I got a weird look from an angel I had no idea what her name was who then approached me. I pulled off my best arrogant smile from my scheming politician days on earth and approached her as well. 

"Hi, Stephael. How are you doing?"

"Mighty fine, how about you?"

"Okay, but I'm a bit concerned. You hate chocolate, but yet you're munching on a bar right now."

"I've had a change of mind," I effortlessly lied. "You see I decided that if there's chocolate in the lobby of the apartments, I might as well eat it. Who doesn't love free stuff?"

"True, but I would have expected more from someone who spent their entire human life giving everything he had to the poor."

I had thought that I was dealing with the average goody-two-shoes angel, but it appeared I was wrong. I was dealing with a saintly goody-two-shoes angel. I glanced at my half eaten chocolate bar and smirked. 

"Well then why don't you take it? You look like you're poor enough!" I cackled. I had begun slowly walking during the course of this conversation and got close enough to the gate. All I had to do was press the button and then it would be over. How hard could a large red button be to find? 

At this point, I ran away at full speed from the shocked angel. It took her a good three second to catch on, which was good enough for me. She leaped into the air and dove after me. 

However, there are a few disadvantages to flying after your opponent instead of running after them on foot. I turned a tight corner and pulled a large sign from the store next door into the opening of the street. Since she was high in the air, as soon as she turned the corner to dive after me, she hit the sign and fell flat on the ground. Sadly, I wasn't known for being lucky except for the time I had won an election by one vote. 

Five angels had caught on and were now in hot pursuit of me. I entered some sort of heavenly sandwich shop and burst into the kitchen, where I assumed they stored the weapons. I knocked over a shelf of trays to block my path and chose a frying pan for my weapon as I burst out the back door. I found three angels with Celestial Gold weapons ready to end my existence. 

I faked towards the left and then leaped into the air to the right. I soared over the rooftops, scanning the ground below for the gate. At this altitude I realized could see both the Celestial Gold of the gate and the guard booth to the right of it. I could also see my imminent doom behind me in the form of five assembled angels. So I did the only thing possible, I dove straight towards the guard booth.

The glass shattered around me as I crashed through the window , the angels right behind me. As it turns out, a large red button is not as easy to find as one would think. There were about three levers, twenty buttons, and five switches on just one panel. All of which I pulled, pushed, and hit in hope that one of them would open the gate for me.

That was when the angels entered. One swung a Celestial Gold sword at me, but I rolled to the left and miraculously dodged it, running my hands along the controls again in hope that one would trigger the gate to open. 

A kick to the rear end sent me falling to the floor where another boot made contact with my face. I would tell you that it hurt like hell, but hell is pretty nice once you get used to it. 

Most wimpy demons would have lost consciousness by now, but I was no ordinary demon. I was Geraldus, a demon, a politician, and most of all, a demonic politician. 

As soon as I saw the glint of gold, I lifted off the ground with nothing but the sheer strength of my wings. I flipped backwards in midair to dodge yet another sword swing and flew at top speed to the other side of the small control room. That's where I found the button. 

I reached out to press it. I could taste the victory. Except the only thing I actually tasted was demon blood. My own demon blood that is. 

The fingernails of one of them had ripped through my cheek. The sword of another vicious looking angel  was destined for my heart. 

I saw my life as a demon flash before my eyes as the sword clattered to the ground in front of me. In shock, I sat up from the ground My eyes found that of the lifeless angel's as he fell to the floor. Behind him were the lifeless bodies of the others. And, of course, the winged hourglass figure of the one and only Rachellus. 

"Miss me?" she asked, turning around. As my eyes scanned her body again, I knew the answer to that question.

"Always."

She turned around with a flip of her hair and stabbed another angel who had entered the booth straight through the heart. I took my cue and slammed my fist onto the red button. Man, that was satisfying.

At first, nothing happened. It was kind of alarming when I didn't hear so much as a squeak from the gate. I checked Stephael's watch thinking maybe the gate didn't work at this time of day. Maybe the angels had pressed some button to break the gate? Maybe I had done something to the other buttons?

"Look, you idiot," Rachellus said to me and gestured to the gate.

I didn't see anything when I first turned my attention to the gate, but as I looked closer that gate was opening slowly but surely towards me. I had done it. Heaven was ours for the taking.

The pure glee I felt was overshadowed by the rush of heat from beyond the gate. That alone rendered some of the angels close to death. 

The ground started to shake and I became aware of a loud rumble of voices coming from the dark pathway beyond the gate. As I watched, thousands upon thousands of demons rushed out from the fiery pits of hell. Thieves, murderers, cannibals, serial killers, psychopaths, and people who walked slowly in the hallways all fighting for a common cause. Evil. 

They charged forth from the gate, careful not to touch it, and headed straight for the golden castles of heaven. Iron spears found their way from the grimy hands of the demons to the hearts of the angels. Arrows shot from flying demons above effortlessly hit home as their targets fell to the ground. 

On a hilltop in the distance, I saw an assembling army of angels preparing to fight back, their silver armor glinting in the sunlight. This was it, the war of angels and demons, the war to end all wars. 

Oh, what a wonderful world.

For the Horns and Halos Battle Angels and War Demons contest.