Make Me Love You [Complete]

Chapter 39: The Talk

Monday 5:25 pm

Catherine:

"Maybe you can come up this weekend."

I hear my mom on the other end of the phone but I have officially stopped listening.

"Mom, gotta go. Call you later." I hang up and I think I drop my phone in my bag but who really knows because all I can do right now is stare at Spencer. Waiting at the elevator. Waiting on me? God, I hope so.

Uncertainty and hopefulness war within me as I stand next to him. Staring into those beautiful blue eyes that I've missed every day.

"Catherine."

————

Spencer:

Her name is a benediction on my lips. Asking,  pleading with her. The way I've acted I don't deserve for her to talk to me but she nods and I know she understands. I smile. The first genuine smile that has graced my face in a month.

As soon as we walk in to her apartment, I grab her and pull her into my chest. Fuck, I've missed having her in my arms.

"What are you doing?" Her voice is muffled and I realize I might be holding her too tight. I huff out a small laugh before I let her go and step back.

"I love you."
"You're an asshole."

We speak at the same time and it takes me a second to realize what she said. Asshole? That's putting it mildly, sweetheart.

"And yes, I love you too. But WHAT THE FUCK, Spencer?"

I cringe and move a step closer as she takes a step back. "I know! I know! I fucked up."

"That's an understatement."

"I saw you—."

"I know what you saw. Me with Christopher. I was sad, Spencer. Emotional. But all you saw was me hugging him. Actually no, he had his hands on me. Not the other way around. But you didn't even give me the courtesy to explain what you saw before you called it quits. That's not how relationships work!"

"You knew I saw you two?"

"I didn't until Erika told me! God knows you didn't!" Almost as an afterthought she mumbles, "I wasn't supposed to tell you we talked. Ugh it doesn't even matter because you should have been the one to talk to me!"

I can't be angry with Erika for telling Catherine the things that I should have made clear a month ago. "I told you I would screw this up. I don't know what I'm doing."

"That's not an excuse, Spencer. I know that you're new to all this but that should have been more reason to come talk to me."

I nod because she's right. And because I'm the dipshit that ruined something great. "Christopher asked me about you today. Asked how you were doing."

Her eyes widen at that. "Oh, I get it. The only reason you're here now is because he told you we weren't back together. I should have known."

"Fuck," I curse as I start to pace the length of her living room. What do I say to make this better? To make her understand? "I had planned to come and talk to you today. That was just a coincidence. You have to believe that, Catherine! I knew. Deep down I knew. I was scared, ok? Fucking terrified of losing you and I thought it would be easier to end it myself. I couldn't stand the thought of you with that asshole and it would have killed me if you had chosen him over me. I thought taking myself out of the situation would save me the heartache. Self-preservation, you know? But all it did was left me in darkness. I can't fucking eat, sleep, work." I shake my head, laying it all out. I sound like a pussy, just like Erika accused me of being.

Catherine turns away from me, to stare out the fifth floor window. She looks dejected and it's my fault.

"You think I've been any better?" She asks softly.

No, I don't think that. I can see that she's lost a few pounds. She looks tired, spiritless, sullen. Our separation has taken it's toll on her, too but she's still the most bewitching woman I've ever laid eyes on.

I step closer. Close enough that I can smell her shampoo and I breathe it in like it's a 12 course meal and I haven't eaten in a week. I hesitate for a only a second before I place my hands on her hips, my fingers flexing. I've missed holding her. Not even in a sexual way (although I miss that, too). But just holding her, feeling her softness around me, the way she would lay her head on my chest. I miss the intimacy and the closeness of it.

She leans back against me and my heart soars. I know it doesn't mean that she's forgiven me but I'll take it. I'll take any scraps she sees fit to give me.

"Where do we go from here?" She questions me as she turns in my arms. "And let me just start by saying that were you any other man, we would not be having this conversation. But," she looks at me with those clear blue eyes that show every emotion, "lucky for you, I love you."

I crush my lips to hers in a kiss that takes my breath away. I pour everything I'm feeling into that one kiss. The fear of losing her, the longing to be with her and only her, and the love that is bursting out of me. I pull away too soon. I could spend the rest of my life right here but there are things I need to say.

"We'll go wherever you want to go. If you want to start over, we'll start over. If you want to take it slow, we'll take it slow. None of that matters as long as I have you back and I promise I'm never letting you go again." I run my fingers down her cheek and cup her face in my hand, having trouble believing that she's here with me again. I've missed her that much. "I love you, Catherine."

The smile on her face is blinding, big and bold. She's so goddamn beautiful and it's hard to come to terms with just how much she means to me.

She takes my hand in her small one and starts leading me to the bedroom. "Right now, we're going to bed. You have a lot of time to make up for, Walsh."

Gladly.