échos du silence

iv.

As I stare at my reflection in the mirror and I feel a deep sadness . It feels like I can still hear Hayley complain about the costumes or about the way I did her makeup .

But Hayley is not here anymore . She left with mom and dad . She left me and I feel so much anger inside .

I'm so selfish because I wanted Hayley to stay with me . She did the right thing to quit and starting a new life , away from this misery . She was strong enough to make that decision and I wasn't .

I'm weak and vulnerable . I'm scared...so scared that I won't ever get out of this hell hole.

My eyes started to water and I don't want to cry because I just did my makeup . I'm glad no one is here but me .

I look at my lingerie . Looking at myself like this disgusts me in so many ways .

"You look like shit" A particular voice says . I don't even have to look to realize that it's Sarah . Her thick British accent is recognizable anywhere .

"Come on . Cheer up mate . You're about to dance on a pole half naked , in front of dirty middle aged men . Isn't that fun ?" She asks sarcastically as she laughs .

Sarah stands beside me and I look at her mini black dress and dark makeup . She's always wearing black x she says it matches her soul .

She's one of the youngest in here . I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that a girl so young is here .

Why am I surprised? I started out young too . Im still young . I should be dating- it even married- right now . I shouldn't be here .

"Are you sad because your sister left ? Think about it this way . It's better for her to leave this business but it's also very stupid . She won't get paid like we do ."

She puts on more black lipstick even though she has enough already . I simply look down because mentioning Hayley makes me very sentimental .

"You really do look depressed . More than me , I'd say." She says . "I am depressed ." I say . "You know what makes me forget ?"

I look up at her And she pulls out something from her bra . It's a folded napkin . She unfolds it carefully and I see a few colored pills .

"Want to try one of my happy pills ?" She hands me a small bright green on . I shake my head no and turn to look at my reflection again .

"Are you sure ? It makes me forget . It takes me to trips far away from here . It helps when I'm in this place ."

I pretend to fix my hair and ignore her comment .
"I'll leave this little love pill here if you decide to take it but shhhh you didn't get it from me ."

She walks out and I look at the tiny pill . My shaky hand grabs it and brings it closer to me .
"It takes me to trips far away from here . It helps when I'm in this place ."

I slowly bring it to my mouth and swallow it . It's very small so it was easy to swallow without some water.

As soon as I take it , I expect to feel different but I don't .
I feel normal . I feel sad . I feel empty . I feel like I always do .

"Annie , come on you're up next ." Lana says , opening the door . I jump up starters and glanced at the mirror one more time .

I walk behind Lana down the dark alleyway . The music is so loud it's already making my head hurt .

"Guess what ?" Lana excitedly asked , "what?" I ask .
"Asher Angel is here !" She gushes with a grin . "Oh." I simply say .

I would like to be happy and excited but if he's here , he's usually here for Mia . "What do you mean oh ? Aren't you excited ? This is your chance to be noticed , Annie . You could have him eating out of your hand . With your looks ."

Thats what I used to think . I'm starting to realize that big breasts and looks isn't paradise . It's hell .

As we approach the loud music and lights start feeling odd . The music seems louder . The colors seem brighter

"There he is !" Lana whispers to me . My vision seems a bit blurry and I feel drowsy . Lana is pointing somewhere but I can't concentrate enough to see where .

"I'll announce you . Hold on ." Lana says . I feel like I'm sweating a lot and everything seems heighten

I'm looking everywhere and it feels like everything is going too fast . The music is so loud it's hurting my ears . The neon lights everywhere are making my eyes hurt .

What is wrong with me ?

I'm starting to regret taking whatever Sarah gave me because now I'm freaking out . I've never felt like this before and it scares me .

"Attention everyone !" Lana says on the microphone. I look at the stage and see Lana with her bright pink lipstick and her mini black skirt .

The men started whistling and she smiles putting a piece of her perfectly blind hair behind her ear .

"I have a special treat for you tonight ." She says slowly Z she looks directly into the crowd and I'm sure she's looking at him .

"She's one of the house favorites . Her curves and beautiful glowing skin makes every guy drool ."

I take a deep breath and try to calm myself down . I'm trying to think of what to do but I can't even think right now

Suddenly , I start feeling relaxed . Very , very , relaxed . My body feels like it's floating and I just want to laugh and cry at the same time .

"She will make you melt at her sight , her moves will seduce every atom of your body . You immediately fall in love with her."

I'm hearing Lana's words and I'm trying to comprehend. Is she talking about me ? Am I that good ? Her words are floating in my brain and it makes me smile . I'm not sure why though .

"I'm pretty sure you know who she is because she's impossible to forget . Without further introduction, may I present you......ANNIE LEBLANC !"