échos du silence

v.

Lana's words echo in my mind . I keep hearing her call my name over and over . The men start cheering as I walk to the stage .

I'm feeling so relaxed that it doesn't even bother me to be here anymore . I walk to the pole and the music starts playing .

The light is on me , and I start dancing . I'm not sure why but I'm feeling extremely happy . Sarah was right . It was a happy pill .

The men start throwing money at me and this makes me laugh . I'm getting so lost into the music that everything seems so fine .

A ton of flashbacks come to my mind . They're flashbacks of Hayley and I when we were younger . Flashbacks of mom playing dollhouse with us . Those memories make me so happy .

I'm getting great flashbacks until suddenly my mind travels to a dark place I never wanted to think of .

"Julianna ! I said I didn't want you to provoke any man!"
His voice is loud and makes my heart race .

"But I didn't do anything" I whisper in a shaky voice . His dark eyes meet mine and he approaches me . "Are you calling me a liar ?"

My heart is so loud I can hear it in my ears . I shake my head no and he stands in front of me . "Then why are you saying you didn't do anything when you know you did ?"

"I don't... I don't know ." I say , the tears building in my eyes . "You just like to make me mad , don't you ?"

"No ." I say as the tears spill from my eyes . He sighs angrily and turns around . For a second I think he's walking away but he turns back around and brutally slaps me across the face .

I fall on the floor and feel my face go numb . I touch my cheek and I feel a few drops of warm blood on my lip .

He kneels down and looks at me . See what you made me do Julianna ? See ?" He looks scared and I'm not sure why , if he's the one that hit me .

When he moves towards me more , I flinch . He slowly pulls me in for a hug . " I love you , Julianna . I love you so much."

I hug him back while closing my eyes . He hit me . He hit me so hard and all I felt was love .

As the song continues to play and as I'm dancing around the pole , my eyes start spilling tears .

I can't stop thinking about him . About every time he did that . The flashback won't stop . They keep coming and they're horrible . Awful even .

"What happened to your face Julianna ?" Mom asks .
"Nothing mom . I must've hit myself in my sleep."

"with what ? Your lip is busted ." She looks at me concerned and I quickly turn my face . "It's nothing mom ." I say angrily .

"Julianna you're hiding something from me ." She says . I keep staring at the sink , avoiding any eye contact .

"Are you ready Julianna ?" I look up panicking when I see him standing by the door . "Oh ! Honey , why don't you come in for a drink ." Mom says .

"No think you Ms . Kate . Julianna and I are going to eat." He looks at me and I nod my head . "Yeah mom . We're going out to eat ."

"Alright .don't you come in late now and be careful please ! Don't be such a klutz ." Mom says .

As soon as we're out the door , he grabs my forearm harshly . "What did you tell her ?" He whispers angrily . "Nothing . I didn't say anything ."

"You better have not Julianna . Otherwise I'm going to have to leave you ." He let's go of my hand and gets in the drivers seat .

A deep panic starts spreading in my body . "You can't leave me ." I whisper as I get in . He doesn't say anything and turns on the car . I look down and see that he left his hand print on my arm . Why did it feel like a kiss ?

The tears are so hard to hold in and now I'm no longer in a happy place . I'm in a sad place and I want it to stop .

I keep dancing as the tears keep coming and I can't stop it . I squeeze my eyes hard but it only brings more painful flashbacks .

"Don't leave me , Hayley . Not you too . Please ." I say as tears fall from my eyes . "Come with me Julianna . Come on . Let's do it . Let's get out do this horrible place . Let's start a new life ."

She's holding my hand so tight , I can feel her pulse . "Don't leave . Please ." As I'm saying these words I remember years ago when I begged him not to leave . I begged him to stay . I begged so hard and he was so heartless , so cruel , he left .

"I can't keep living like this , Julianna , I can't ."

I'm breathing so hard and I'm trying not to sob . The men are still throwing money at me and are now whistling .
They're staring me down like I'm a piece of meat .

My eyes catch a particular figure in the crowd . Asher is looking at me . He's not whistling . He's not looking at me like I'm meat . He's looking at me Wagner pity and sorrow .

I keep crying and I can't the voices in my head . I can't stop the terrible flashbacks . I move away from the pole and grab my head .

"Stop it! Stop it!" I scream . The music is so loud , it's making me feel like my head is going to explode.

I open my eyes and see everyone staring at me.
The music is still playing and I can't be here anymore. I run off the stage and through the crowd .

I have to get away . I have to make these thoughts stop . "Annie! Annie!" A voice in the back of my head says .

I keep running as my acid tears burn my face . "Annie !" A voice says harshly . Is it him ? It can't be .

Lana grabs my arm harshly and pulls me to the side .
"What the hell is wrong with you ?" She screams .

"Lana . Lana . Make it stop , make it stop please !" I sob . "What ? Make what stop ? What are you talking about ?"

All I do is keep shaking my head and squeezing my eyes shut . "Julianna look at me ." She grabs my face and I stop to stare .

My ears are ringing but I can still hear her . "What did you take ? Are you high ?" I shake my head no Z

"You did take something . You're hallucinating. Who gave you drugs ? Tell me ." She's still looking in my eyes and I shake my head no again .

"I'm okay. I'm fine . I just... I didn't sleep good last night."
I lie . She's about to say something when a voice speaks .

"Lana." It's a male voice and she immediately turns
around . "Yes sir ." She quickly says . Asher is standing in front of us .

His hair is pulled back and wearing a grey suit . "I
need my girls." He says . "Yes sir , right away . I just have to-"

"Now Lana." He says in a serious tone. Lana glances at me but she walks back in the club . I , then realize I'm standing outside in the streets half naked .

It's so cold , the wind dried my tears . Asher looks at me and I look down embarrassed . He saw everything.

Everyone in there saw me freaking out like crazy . I feel a deep embarrassment and I'm so ashamed . I want to walk back in but I can't . I'm so intimidated.

Suddenly , I feel something warm on me . I look up and see that he took off his jacket and put it on me .

We looks at each other for a while until he walks away . I finally take a deep breath and sigh relieved .

I thought those flashbacks were never going to stop .