Rants :) (and spam)

Loneliness :'))

Tags ('cause I need y'all's opinion on this lol ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ):
Noonecame1212
BellaRosetheFangirl
th3anonymousepotato
ThaliaGabbyP
Empress_Pine
PaisleyCraft
Sailor_Astro
ghostlyprogram

And if I didn't tag you and you're one of the homies that I talk to on Wattpad it's probably because I couldn't find your tag name XD IM SO SORRYYYYYY ;-;

Lol my dudes look at the rules if ya want (in the chapter before this one)

And even if I don't talk to you much or know you, I still wanna hear what you say! Come on, rant with me! ;))

Today's topic: loneliness, friends, fandoms/Wattpad, popularity/coolness, etc

Alright so let's begin with me and my social life, and then we can move on about friends and popularity/coolness and whatever.

So I lowkey think my passion for fandoms is messing up my social life? Yea, totally.

You see, I really hate sharing about myself and especially my interests, since I think I'm really super cringey. And it's weird because I feel like it only applies to me. Like, someone could like Undertale (in example, I'm not shaming any fandoms because I'm part of this fandom lol XD) and express that they like Undertale through merch or drawings or whatever, and I won't think it's cringey and I won't think that anyone thinks that it's cringey. Heck, they can be like "omg I love Sans!" and I still won't think that anyone notices or that anyone cares that they like him. But if I do the same things, I'll think I'm being SUUUUUUPER cringey and I start to think that everyone will judge me or notice or be like "haha look at this loser. Who actually likes Sans?" And I'm super afraid my friends will be like "lol what a cringey loser. I don't wanna be your friend" or that they'll speak badly behind my back.

Basically, I'm afraid of being judged.

And I don't mean just fandoms, I mean everything. Music, favorite TV shows, favorite movies, dancing (which I hate), etc. Heck, even my own body. I'm super self conscious and I hate revealing myself, which why I love to wear hoodies and joggers/sweatpants.

And so it's really a struggle to be controlled by that fear, but I just can't not care. It's like it's been drilled into my skull. I have to care what people think of me.

And I'm just like how did I get to this point? Because when I was a little girl, I was all out. I expressed what I loved with no shame and I liked what I liked because I liked it. Heck, one time I tried to sing this song for my (preschool? Kindergarten?) class that I heard on a Sonic x Amy shipping video I saw XD. Basically, I was trying to sing "Hey Juliet". And I didn't even know the lyrics XDDD like, I just listened to the video, wrote down what I thought were the lyrics, and tried to sing them to the tune of the song. (By the way, they were completely wrong XD I thought the song said "hey toodeeleer" when they sang "hey Juliet" XDD) And sure, I was lowkey embarrassed, but I did it anyway. I had enough courage to do it. But now, I can't even mention the characters' names or I'll get embarrassed. Heck, someone else, a total stranger, can mention something about a fandom that I'm passionate about in their own, separate conversation that I'm not a part of and if I overhear it, I'll get super embarrassed and I'll start to blush really hard. Like bro come on, are you kidding me? We're not even a part of that conversation.