tyrants

glass suns

i made two wishes at 1111, one more just to be sure, and i can't tell you what it is because i don't want to -

i find solace in a 2 am bottle of wine, the cheap kind, like in those 24-hour supermarkets, and then i drink it until the air tastes like medicine/ i force myself to memorize the burn in my lungs. a reminder; but it crumbles away like the paper skin on paper bones

my stomach aches with the heat of wanting/ and i don't know if it's the band or the good kind although it's not like it really matters anyway. all i know is a sick and sweet aching in my bones./ and then i'm acutely aware of how hollow i am. the mingled scent of flesh-and-flowers gives way like pliant wood in rainwater/ i'm desperately trying to clean my wounds/but i have grown to love them too much to let them go

and then i am stripped raw/ the walls are torn from their foundations and i bare myself to you/ perhaps unwillingly. reluctantly/ the gore of my scars are naked and red/ and i try to make them tempting. so i paint them with rainbows and i let my veins bleed through unchained lips

the slime of raw emotion coating my tongue. i'm trying to swallow it down but my throat's closed up by the burn - i think it's that bittersweet thing called honesty - although quite frankly the truth is only ever hearsay

i don't feel like i belong in my own skin. dream world with its creamy clouds and a sun-bleached white. on days where the sky is too wide and blue and lying just beyond my reach/ long achy limbs curled into each other, just grasping with that single-minded obstinate optimism only the most impossible of idealists can possess

a glittering decadence in the quality of mind. a hope so frail the strongest gusts of wind cannot snuff it. the body i have is melting. i feel pupal, the bones in my spine are growing steel.

i'm breathing desperately. my being is melting down my hands and wrists. i'm ripping the sun's iridescent flesh from its core. feed the hope and maybe it'll grow. my lips sting with the fire.

god knows i'm not strong enough to fight this