tyrants

loving someone

there's a pit in my chest and i feel a little empty, like someone's got their hands fisted n fussy in my guts

an old feeling and it's someone i've been intimate with. cajoling and tender in the way it beats down against me until the knots and dents in my flesh are marked and permanent just so it can be sure no one else will fit me like a puzzle piece

i never quite learnt to embrace duality, never learnt that sound and silence cast a single shadow or that the opposite of love is apathy, i never knew that people could change and remain the same because i only ever existed in extremes
i never knew intimacy existed without sex or that misery looked best in bad company
fuck easy n fuck slow, and i know i said i love you but just ignore that, cause you should be leaving right about now o'clock -

your hands flat against my back my hands flat against your chest, mapping out the whorls in my fingertips when i curl my hands around yours and i grip you tight n heady and i almost forget how to breathe how to speak how to blink
lingering on the line between grief n insecurity
& i think i should be lovin someone