Finding Nana (Zana/Zane~Chan)

Thirteen

NANA

"Oh." was all that come from my mouth. Who could blame me? I was late, I know, and I deserved missing it. After running away from my family to live with my friends, was preposterous to my parents' standard of living and occupation.

Or now I should say, my mother's standards.

I remember countless times when I was asked things of my mother, and when I couldn't do it, or if I did it wrong, I was lightly hit on the shoulder with a stick. Aiko and I both remember it for sure, but Aiko was independent and a well-balanced individual overall. The fact that I couldn't truly decide who I was made me a total mess in my mother's eyes.

"They are buried at Ozaru's garden, so you will have no excuse on not seeing them." she tossed me what seemed like a potato sack with sleeves and trimming. It was a dirty beige colour, and I assumed that this would be what I was to wear while working in the gardens.

"As you claim to be a baker, make two loaves of bread, and place them at your father's and brother's grave. Bring them flowers too, and do not use the ones from Grandfather's garden. Are my instructions clear?" Mother's voice rose into almost a yell.

I sniffed. "Yes, Ma."

It was just like the good ol' days, I thought. This time I could prove myself to Ma. I wasn't a mistake in her eyes, and I certainly wasn't the anime girl in the family.

There would be no anime girl by the time all of this family drama was over..

***

The sun had began to disappear below the horizon. I had finished baking the bread, and it was cooling on a cloth on the table. Mother had already told everyone that it was strictly forbidden to eat, saying it was an offering.

I felt all of my sibling's watchful eyes on me as they looked at my every move. They all knew by now that Mother had told me about the funeral, but I felt like I couldn't make up for it.

To all of this, in my soul, I felt like something was wrong. Sure, it could've been my guilt, and it could've been the fact that I was overwhelmed in the moment, and that it felt wrong to be using my passion for something so dark...

...but this kind of seeping was different. I felt like I was getting hungrier by every second that passed by; it was as if this darkness was eating away my insides.

In that moment I knew something was off, and there was perhaps more injuries, and even more death to come to my family, and maybe, my friends.

I didn't know. They were half-way across the world right?

***

I woke up the next morning to my mom's yelling. I rubbed my eyes, realizing it was still dark out. I checked my phone, and it was 2am.

My eyes widened, and I slipped out of the thin blankets that made up my "bed." I didn't complain. Some of my other siblings got sleeping bags or blow up mattresses, but at least I had something.

After quickly slipping into my hoodie, I picked up the train pass and gardener uniform that awaited me at the table. I tried to be as quiet as possible, but it was quite hard with all the sirens and cars honking, though it was only 2am.

I almost made it out to the clearing when my sister Cho spotted me leaving.

"Wise of you to leave at this hour." she spoke softly.

I nodded.

"Shouldn't you be sleeping? You do have school."

"Oh don't mind me. I usually wake up this early, especially if I feel disturbed."

I couldn't help but exhale in relief. Maybe Cho was like me, and felt the same way.

"I'm sorry you have to take my place."

"It's fine. I want to do this." I replied.

"If that's the case, I wish you luck." she turned away towards the pavement again, probably to see if anything needed to be done.

I took a running start then hopped onto my bike. I had brought a bag with a lunch, the offering bread, my uniform, and some spare cash as well as the train pass.

I got to the station at about 2:45. It would've been worse with traffic. I darted through the empty corridors and sectors, as almost no one but a few people were here. I found the scanner, and ran through with the pass, which sure enough, let me through.

Surprisingly, there was a train that came. I boarded it, but at the same time I heard a crackle off in the distance. I brushed it off, rolling my bicycle next to my seat.

A lock of hair fell out of my hood, and I quickly tucked it back in. I couldn't help but laugh as I remembered how I came to the decision of dyeing it pink.

I dozed off into a sleep that was woken up by the robotic voice of a lady through the speakers. I stood up and looked out.

I was here...

...and it was raining.

***

My teeth clicked as I pedalled uphill, following the road. Cho said she usually took a taxi, and I could see now how that was a smart idea. I didn't want to spend money though, so I continued to venture through the darkness, regretting not getting my back reflector fixed.

I depended on the headlights of passing by cars as the rain continued to seep into my skin. I couldn't feel my tail, as if it was frozen solid. I continued though, until it was either from unseen construction or loose pebbles, that my wheels lost traction, and I feel on my back in the long grass in the ditch.

All of a sudden, I froze from how shockingly cold it was. I knew it was cold up, but this was as if I was in the middle of the Arctic.

I then realized I was in a puddle, and I failed around in the dark pit. I knew the mud was ruining my clothing, and eventually I found the handle of my bike. The gear however scarped my shin and I yelped. 

I think my reflector did me justice, because I soon heard tires come to a stop, and headlights close in from above. 

I squinted my eyes upwards, and saw someone approaching me.

The mean reached out a hand to me, kind smile on his face. I didn't know whether or not I should trust him, but my consciousness chose for me because I blacked out.

***

It's been a while everyone!

I'm sure you'd like to know my absence and why I've been inactive. Well, my health has been taking a downturn. I had a seizure mid-September, and from god to the doctors about it they found more things about me than I would've known from just symptoms.

Even though I already knew that I had anxiety and perhaps depression, it became more severe these past three months and I didn't realize it. My stomach, which is smaller than the average person my weight and size, makes me burn more calories than I consume in a day, throwing off my nutrition. Because I can't produce enough energy, I have a small heart and lung problem as well. To make things short, I have a slower heart rate than most, and I hyperventilate in large groups of people.

I have to walk to school now, in order to be sure that my body gets enough oxygen. Even though it's 40 minutes, I'm okay.

I don't mind telling you guys the details, because everyone struggles with things. Feel free to DM me/Message me.

Other than that, I'm recovering, and I decided that I'd surprise you all for Thanksgiving. What are you thankful for? Feel free to tell me that as well!

Until the next chapter. Cheers to everyone who reads this book. <3