k-pop oneshots 🎶

sunflower • wonho (monstax)🌚

Theme: Wonho left to follow his dream after high school and in the process left you, his best friend. You write you suicide letter to him.

**Lee Hoseok. A name that I can never forget for as long as I live. My first crush and my first friend when I moved to Korea.

You go by Wonho, now, and somehow the name suits you better than Lee and Shin Hoseok ever did. Plus, Wonho sounds so much better coming from my mouth; even though, I only said it once when you told me you were leaving. Funny isn't it?

I never used to say that name unless I wanted something of you. In that particular case, I wanted you to stay with me in Gunpo, Korea. News flash: you didn't stay; you left to join a boy group that dances, raps, and sings. Your dream wasn't realistic but you accomplished it, and in the process, lost your family, friends, and me. I'm proud of you though.

I say "me" because I never belonged in the category of just a friend, and I was far from family. I guess we loved each other but didn't know how to explain it. I know you didn't want to love me and some way, somehow I am totally okay with that fact, but I still cry myself to sleep thinking about everything that happened between us, my friend.

It wasn't always like this. I never used to cry over boys or in this case you, now a man. I never used to care what boys thought of me, or what actually anyone thought of me. In fact, I use to walk by them without a fucking care in the world; sometimes though, that can change in an instant when you get infatuated with someone. It changes especially when that infatuation is with an older man; you start caring what he thinks because at any moment he can get up and leave.

Most nights, I wonder what you are doing: if you're sleeping in someone else's bed. If you picked out a flower that day to peel the virgin purity of the rose apart. If you stopped liking me because I wasn't as exquisite as the roses, white and red. Wondering if you stopped seeing the beauty of this sunflower any longer.

When I let my brain take control of my thoughts, I began to doubt you as well as myself. The sunflower in me saw the sun and didn't want you to go away, but there is always a night after the day when the sun doesn't come out to play. You were always on the other side of the world flirting with all the other, prettier flowers. I was rooted to the ground so I couldn't do much of anything but watch; I watched you flirt with roses as I slowly began to wither away.

Was it really necessary for me to feel something for your bright face and charming sense of humor? Why did I have to get pulled into your cruel trap of love when I knew you were out of my league?

I should be used to this pain and heartache by now, but for some reason, I can wrap my head around your motives anymore. It is too hard, Wonho. I can't live like this, knowing I will always be the second choice because no one wants a sunflower when they can have a rose.

I'm not a rose, I know that I'm just a sunflower. I'm writing this letter not for you to blame yourself, but for me to tell you how I really feel. Please, Hoseok, don't blame yourself for my selfish decisions. You didn't know I was in love with you. You didn't know I was waiting for you to comeback to me and tell me you loved me, too. You didn't know.

Well, my confession is that I do love you. I have loved you since first meeting you. Although I didn't love myself, I loved you. People tell me all the time that I can't love someone until I love myself first, but I'm here to say that is completely and utter bullshit. It's bullshit because I had you to love myself. I had you to make me happy and bring me laughter, and that is all I needed.

I'm sorry for doing this, I am a coward for giving up but I had nothing to live for my dearest, Wonho. The only thing I had was you but you're gone too.

I love you, and I wish all your dreams to come true. Find someone who makes you extremely happy and cheerful. Don't blame yourself for my decisions. Live well and prosper

From the one who loved you the most and who is still your biggest fan from the grave, Y/n.