indirects // a.b

2.8

i am oh, so tired
everyday it's the same old routine
wake up
go
go
go 
go 
and go.
but you changed that. 
you made me look forward to my same old routine.
and before i knew it,
your presence started to make my routine
shift.
it started to change
and then 
it started to make me happy
your presence brought me joy
something to look forward to,
something that i can enjoy
something i could use to keep myself going
but winter is never the same
and before i knew it
my same old routine
was no longer the same old.

you changed everything.
your presence started to make my routine
shift.
it started to change
and then 
it started to 
 
R E V O L V E 

all around your feelings
and
it started to make 
me despise myself

whenever you decided to not acknowledge me
whenever you decided to not talk to me
whenever you decided to value my friends 
whenever you decided i wasn't good enough

and i know i shouldnt be blaming you for my own mistakes
but i just wish you knew how much you meant to me
i keep telling myself, maybe this is him

and maybe you are.
but you're slipping through my fingers,
and i can't catch a grip and hold you
and before i know it,

your presence suddenly vanishes.