The Way We Feel

11: Zach

i have a calculus test in a few days but it's fine bc i'm here instead haha but also i'm projecting the math struggles on zach im sry

//

Zach swallowed heavily, staring at his ceiling. He had woken up a few hours ago, and couldn't fall back asleep. His leg fucking hurt.

Grabbing his phone, he began rubbing the end of his leg again. 4:45 am. He glanced at the bottle of prescription Tramadol on his nightstand, but ended up rolling onto his side so he couldn't see it.

His doctor had told him about phantom limb pain. He had a lot of nerve damage at the amputation site, still, and they were sending the wrong messages to his brain, which resulted in his leg feeling like it was trapped in a vice, and was being crushed. Again.

The meds made him nauseous, though, and he didn't want to risk getting addicted to them by taking them too much. That would be just what he needed.

His leg twinged painfully again, and he tightly shut his eyes, before reaching past the Tramadol to grasp his Asprin in his hand. Swallowing one pill dry, he tried to convince his brain not to screw him over again.

* * *

"Hey, Dad," he said, leaning against the counter. He stared at the coffee machine, willing it to go faster.

"Morning," his dad replied. "Sleep well?" Zach nodded, smiling easily.

"Never better." The coffee timer ended, and he filled up a travel mug before gathering his books from where he'd left them on the table the night before. Trigonometry was back to kill him.

"Bye!" He called on his way out the door. Nobody replied, but he wasn't expecting them too. He was dealing with grief by completely ignoring it, his parents were making themselves more and more busy. Too busy for him sometimes.

He swung his legs over his motorcycle, wincing as the cool air became more apparent. They were going through a cold front again, along with their regularly scheduled rain, which was probably why his leg had been making his life hell for a few days now.

At least he was alive. People had told him that a lot, for awhile.

He tried to push those thoughts out of his mind, and ignored the nonexistent leg that felt like it was being compressed too tightly. Pulling his helmet on, he started the bike and began his short trip to school.

* * *

"You've got to love Physics first thing on a Monday," Jamie joked when he trudged into his first class. "The test on Friday is gonna mess my grade up so bad." Zach chuckled at her words.

"Remind me again why we took this class?" They both hated the course, and neither of them actually wanted to go into a science or math field, yet they chose to take it anyway. Big mistake.

The second bell rang, and Zach rifled through his bag, pulling out his binder, textbook, and the Aspirin bottle that he'd thrown in earlier.

"We're going to begin with a quick lab," his teacher began brightly. He chugged a sip of water to wash down the capsule, and pulled out a piece of paper, sighing as he began his day.

By the time the bell had rung for the next block, Zach was thoroughly tired of thinking, and he regretted getting out of bed. It was History next, though, and they were working on their projects, so it wouldn't be too bad.