Thoughts of a Ham Sandwich

remorse

I've been seeing someone new

he's tall

and he's gorgeous

and says he likes me

he kissed me today

and I expected the world to spin

and for my heart to race

but I felt

nothing

but remorse

for the fact that he wasn't

you

AN: My emotions are all over the place and idk what to do about it. This new guy is wonderful. He's the type of guy I always imagined I'd be with. Every night he sends me song suggestions and tells me a secret, which has got to be the cutest rom-com novel shiz to ever happen in my life. He kissed me. A few times. And I just... I don't know. It wasn't exciting. 

I finally told my ex the real reasons I broke up with him, reasons not even my family know. He apologized and said he did love me. He only said he didn't because he was hurting. And I'm just confused. Because, apology or not, he still did that thing. He still has red flags. But kissing him was magic. Being with him was easy. 

I just don't know what to do or think or feel. And I know it's very silly and teenage girl of me to feel like there needs to be spark but, shouldn't there? 

Wow. I haven't done something this ramble-y and journal-y in a while. I just really needed to rant about it.