He Likes Boys//It (2017)

t w e n t y

Chapter Twenty:

The next morning Beverly was too sore to do anything except lay in bed. She wanted to stay there all day after the events of last night had occurred. She wanted to stay there and recover, anything to stop time for just one day and take a break from things for a bit.

But she knew that she couldn't. Her bed was no longer the safe place it had once been. She was no longer the child she had once been. Her father had taken away both of those things from her. He had taken away so many more things from her she was beginning to lose count.

He had taken away her body long ago, possibly before she could even begin to remember, he'd taken her body away from her. Always, it was his. Always it was for his pleasure, for his gain, it was something that didn't belong to Beverly, not since he had taken it and made it filthy.

She needed one day. One day only to take off and rest. To conquer, and when she came back she would be the same fierce warrior she always was. She decided she would ride up to her grandmothers. Her father didn't like her, so she would tell him she was hanging out with her girl friends. He would like that she wasn't hanging out with boys. He seemed to get it in his head that they had sex with her.

It was far, but Beverly figured if she took her bike it wouldn't take too long. She could have the day off today. She could repair the damage that he had done last night, and spend the day tending to her tender wounds.

The Losers met up that day at the creek.

"Where's Beverly?" Eddie asked, looking around their little circle. He'd arrived late due to having to go for a regular doctors exam. And by regular, it was far too often to be considered regular, or a routine check up. His mother was constantly suggesting that there were more problems with him. That Eddie was fragile and sick, although he didn't feel like either.

"Sh-she w-wasn't there wh-when we stopped by." Bill replied. "Usuallu sh-she just w-waits outside for us, s-since he parents don't like u-us hanging out with her."

Eddie nodded. "Should we carry on the meeting without her then?"

Bill shrugged. "I g-g-guess we probably should." He turned to Hom. "Y-you s-said you wanted to tell us something?" Bill asked, once again cursing her stutter.

Hom was shaking with his nervousness. Suddenly his tongue went limp in his mouth, refusing to talk or move. His breathing was quicker and his heart rate began to pick up. He thought of all the possible ways this could go wrong. He thought of everything bad that could possibly happen. He wouldn't tell about his crush on Stan, of course. He didn't want to make Stan feel uncomfortable. But that didn't make him any less nervous.

He thought of all the things that could possibly happen when he told them, all the unpredictable outcome and all the risks he was taking by doing this. He thought of how hard it is for him to just try to be himself.

He wanted them to know the real him, he just didn't know how to say it. He didn't know how to spit out the words or explain himself.

He looked up at the group, examining all their anxious faces, waiting for whatever news Hom was about to drop.

"...guys, I'm gay." He felt liberated as the words left his mouth. He felt free from the secret he had been holding inside himself for so long. He felt like he was being his true self, rather than hiding behind some mask he had put on for so long to hide who he really was. Hom had never felt more himself in his entire lifetime.

He looked around at the group, trying to gauge their reactions. None of them seemed angry. None of them seemed like they were about to beat him up. They all seemed kind of...accepting.

Stan's mouth was wide open in shock, although he didn't say anything. He didn't think of the possibility that his crush could like him back. He had to push those thoughts out of his head. He had to think of what was right, and what his god wanted for him. He would never be with Hom. He could never allow himself to be with Hom. He could never allow himself to love another boy. It was so....wrong. Yet he couldn't stop yearning for it. He couldn't stop wanting to be with boys. He couldn't stop looking at them and fantasizing over them.

"Wow." Richie spoke first, breaking the silence that had just started growing among them. "That must be a real pain in the butt." He joked. Hom laughed, he knew Richie meant well and making jokes about gay anal was something he probably should have expected.

"W-we ac-accept you Hom." Bill said. "You'll al-always have a place in the losers club." He tried to reassure his friend. Sure, it had come as a bit of a shock, but Hom was still one of them regardless of his sexuality.

Stan looked at the ground. He didn't want to look up at his friends. He didn't want them to know he was one of them too.

"Yeah man," Ben said, giving Hom a wholehearted slap on the back. "One of the losers for life." Hom smiled at him.

Eddie spoke up next, asking the question nobody wanted to ask. "Did you tell Beverly?" Eddie asked quickly, and then took a breath from his puffer.

The group went silent.

Hom realized that he hadn't yet told Beverly. He knew that he would probably be too nervous to tell her. That if he told her things might fall apart, and he still wanted to be friends.