He Likes Boys//It (2017)

t h i r t y f i v e

Chapter Thirty Five:

Hom nodded, showing that he planned on listening to everything Stan had to say, and would always be right there for him whenever he needed it.

"I'm always here for you." Hom spoke quietly, the two now sitting in Hom's bedroom, where they had more privacy, since Stan was paranoid one of the neighbours would be able to see them through the windows.

"I'm just worried. About this." He gestured to their linked hands. "About us." He continued. "I'm worried about judgement and I'm worried about sin. I'm worried about whether or not what we're doing is right." He spoke quietly, so that only Hom could hear what he had to say. But it was only the beginning of all the destructive thoughts swirling around in Stan's mind.

"This is right." Hom spoke, staring down at their hands, he placed his other hand gently on Stan's cheek. "This feels so right. How can it be a sin?" He asked gently, he didn't want to make Stan cry again, or bring back any poisonous thoughts that might be harming him. He needed to let Stan know how much he cared for him, loved him, even.

"But, everything says it's wrong. If people were to find out, they would tell us it's wrong, that we're disgusting, that this is disgusting." Stan spoke rapidly, trying to get his words and thoughts out as quickly as he could, he unlinked his hand from Hom's and pulled away from him. Stan sat at the opposite end of the bed, and pulled his knees up to his chest. He needed to think at the moment, and think clearly. He needed to think about Hom, and think about the fact that he was a faggot. He needed to think about how disgusting it should feel, but how amazing it really felt.

"Does being with me really feel disgusting to you?" Hom asked, feeling a sense of betrayal begin to build up. He'd thought that this was what Stan had wanted too. He thought Stan wanted to be with him in the same way that he wanted to be with Stan. But now it was slowly becoming clearer that Stan would rather listen to the words of a broken society than hear what he had to say.

"I-I-I don't know!" Now tears were springing from Stan's eyes again, at the harshness of Hom's words. He was torn. He wanted to worship two different deities and he didn't know how. He wanted to love Hom, to be with him for the rest of his life, and to love him for the rest of his life. He wanted to tell Hom that he loved him, and so much more than that he wanted a wedding. A ceremony of love, something to prove that they were just as valid as any other couple. But as much as Stan wanted all of that, he also wanted to be faithful to his religion, and the teachings of his family. He wanted his parents to keep loving him, even after they found out, but he knew that love would never exist again the moment the words of confession about his dirty act reached their ears. He knew he could never tell them, and that he needed to do everything in his power so that they would never find out, but still, he longed for a future where they would accept him. The real him. And they wouldn't think of his secret as disgusting.

"How do you not know?" Hom yelled back at him. It was their first fight as a couple, and Hom hadn't meant to start it, but he was feeling himself getting more and more emotional with every bitter word that was exchanged between the two of them. Everything seemed to cut like a knife, and only further prove that Stan didn't love him the way that he loved Stan.

"I love you." Stan said simply, but it came out as harsh and angry. "I love you, and I don't know what to do about it. If I let myself love you, everyone else will hate me. They'll be disgusted with me. We'll be chased out of town." Stan just cried more, getting out all of his fears and worries about what would happen if the world were to find out that he and Hom were a couple.

"We can change the future. We can fight for what we know is the truth. The truth is that this relationship is perfectly natural. That this love is not a mental illness, nor is it as disgusting as they want to make us believe it is." Hom spoke, wanting to comfort all the worries in Stan's mind. Sure, they were only children, and at the moment there wasn't much either of them could do, but Hom knew that when they got older, they could fight for what they believed. They could fight for their rights. The right to love whomever they pleased.

Stan shook his head, still not fully believing him. "What about my parents? What about my religion? I want to be with you, but I don't want to leave behind everything else I've ever loved to do so."

Hom hugged him, holding Stan in his arms, not quite sure what else to do. Not quite sure how else he could manage to solve things. He supposed he couldn't. This was something Stan would have to solve for himself.