He Has Never Lied to YOU!

Introduction to Volume 1 of the Chronicles of Myassa, Florida

When I was asked to write this introduction by The Mayor and Y.A. Duck? I was taken completely by surprise. Partly because I'd have thought they would ask that ditzy little Myassa Lifestyle Critic dweeb, Emanuella H. Kruiken-Feist, to do it. Mostly it was because I couldn't believe these idiots were actually writing a book. But if they want me to I'll be glad to write an intro because, as The Mayor's Office Goddess and proofreader, I'm the only one who will read this introduction before it's published. Oh, boy! And I seriously doubt that anyone with even a smattering of intelligence will read it after publication either, so KEEP READING.

On the cover it says that Y.A. Duck? transcribed this steaming pile of Buttox bullturds and, as far as they will ever know, that's true. But, as I know and you're about to discover, I had to rewrite the entire load of incomprehensible crap. It's almost comprehensible crap now. In their favors, I agree that Myassa really is as ridiculous as this book presents it. Just KEEP READING and you'll see.

I am rightly praised for my accomplishments in the Myassa Founders Day Championship. Again. I censored ... I edited all the stupid cheating accusation parts out and take you right to the dirt. You'll see the upside for PMS and how to get it. Military secrets are blasted wide open. Visit Our Lady of Perpetual Sacred Collateral Damage Rectory, Cathedral, and Girls' School. When you finish, you may want to call the Tipsy Taxi to deliver you to the Myassa Liquors Bar & Grill/Myassa Town Hall Building and take communion at the Myassa First Church of Beer Almighty. Hang around for the weekly Biblical Misinterpretation Committee meeting. See history made up on FAUX NEWS every day! Play Ball! Whip up some pancakes and get the baccalaureate degree of your dreams and KEEP READING.

The stories here are not presented chronologically. Myassa is not chronological, nor is it particularly geographical, just "north Florida". You can't touch it but you can taste it. It's nowhere but you can always get there from here. You never see it coming and you never have to leave. You won't be alone because Myassa is open all night, every night. You unlock this dimension through the myth of Myassa. Beyond it is another demention: a demention of stupid, a demention of sight gags, a demention of mind farts. You're moving into a land both shallow and sophomoric, of alt history and ironies. You've just crossed over into...

The Myassa Zone. "Where you're past is our future."

Some of the images, especially the old ones, were found online without attributions. We wish to express our appreciation for the artists/photographers and assure them that this is not a project for monetary gain but it would be greatly appreciated if anyone connected with these images would help us to defray our losses in the creation of THE CHRONICLES OF MYASSA and all which follow.

KEEP READING

Lyda Dzgoldynzscheyzes, Office Goddess, winner of six Golden Booties.