Touched By You

"You've got this, Laur."

It's at night when it hits her. It's always at night.

She's never ready for it, no matter how much she felt like she'd properly prepared herself...she's never ready.

Because when the temperature drops and her body curls into a ball, she knows there won't be anyone she can wrap herself around. She knows that there won't be another warm body against her own and she feels the bite of that chill.

So Lauren started losing sleep and writing more. She started writing little notes telling herself why she was doing what she was doing, making notes of all the good she could bring and making plans on how to tackle things she'd yet to come to understand.

And for most nights that seemed to work for her, she seemed to immerse herself in her work so much that nothing else mattered.

But there were also nights where she'd lay back in bed and let the soft lullaby of Camila's voice placate her aching heart. She played her wife's music often and she let that soothe her in a way nothing else really could.

Lauren moved out. She found a small apartment close to Normani's and every time she was home she'd have Leo. He was still confused with it all and always went in search of Camila when he was brought into the new apartment. He could never quite grasp that this space wouldn't be occupied by Camila, he couldn't quite grasp that he needed to calm his panic. It usually took him a couple of hours to settle down and then he'd curl up beside Lauren, but she knew it was more to do with familiarity than with affection.

Leo knew Lauren, but he didn't know the apartment and he didn't know a home without Camila in it.

And Lauren could relate to it.

So together the pair occupied a space that they didn't belong in because Lauren had made her choice and Camila had respected it and Leo didn't get much of a choice in the matter at all.

Ashley (Halsey) was a constant in Lauren's life. She kept the green-eyed girl up to date with all things social justice and she'd even brought Kehlani along with her on a few occasions and the three girls would come up with plans and ideas for fundraisers. And when Lauren had people around her, her mind never drifted. It never wandered over to Camila and how warm those chocolate eyes always were, how the girl's smile could stir every bit of happiness in Lauren.

When Lauren was around other people, she forced herself to stop missing Camila.

Right up until she didn't need to force it anymore.

Right up until Ashley kissed her for the first time five months after Lauren had separated from Camila.

Right up until Lauren accepted that the kiss was nice; it didn't wake her up and have her excited for the day the way Camila's did...but when Ashley led them to her bed and Lauren could curl her body around another warm one...it was okay. It was enough.

But that didn't stop the memories of more attacking Lauren's dreams. It didn't stop her from seeing Camila for the first time in that hallway.

It didn't stop Lauren from remembering all the times Camila's words had saved her life.

It didn't stop the moon from loving the sun.

"You sounded so fucking good," Vero nudged her friend as Camila stepped out of the recording booth. She tossed her arm over Camila's shoulders as they made their way out of the building. "Thanks for the invite today, Cabello."

"Are we grabbing lunch before I go to pick Leo up?" The younger girl arched her brow.

"Actually, Lauren messaged asking if we could get him a little earlier, she and Ashley are heading to some anti-ICE protest."