•Daddy..•

Sick and tired

As I lay there, my sweat glazed body frozen and everything in the world still. A nightmare. Another one. Just like the one before and the one before that. 

As I lay there, for a couple more seconds while my heart stopped beating so fast, I contemplated what it would be like if i wasn't always alone and lonely.

Alone and lonely, some people acociate the two words but really they have to completely different meanings.

Alone- when your physically alone with no one around.
Lonely- while you may be surrounded by people you can still feel lonely.

Like me.

"GET YOUR LAZY ASS DOWNSTAIRS NOW!" I jumped a little at the sound of his angry voice, it was never not angry so what's new? my fluffy ears pressed against my head. I should be used to loud noises by now but I wasn't.

I cautiously tiptoed down stairs so I didn't make noise and get more abused then I had to.

He was sitting on the couch, with the remote for the tv in his hand. The tv was black.

"YOU WHORE! FIX THE BLOODY REMOTE."

I flinched again, my ears flat on my head. How the hell was I supposed to do that? It wasn't even the remote that needed fixing! We just needed to pay the electricity bill..
Though of course I didn't say that because if I did he would actually kill me.

I held my hand out for it but he just whacked me with it. "What do you expect me to do if I can't have it?" It was a bit witty of me to say and I regretted it as soon as it came out of my mouth.

"What did you just say to me?" He whispered. I was actually scared because seeing as he was constantly yelling at me-

"WHAT DID YOU BLOODY SAY TO ME SLUT?" He screamed at the top of his lungs. Oh lord help me...

Before I could move at all he slammed me in the back of the head with the hard plastic tv remote. Of course it was natural to fall over but the fact that I vomited, let's just say he doesn't tolerate either.

"YOU DISGUSTING PIG!" He yelled grabbing a knife from the table.

I know what your thinking. (Shh I know your not but just go with it) that he had been abusing me since my mother died and I could have told anyone and everyone but it's been eight years and I still haven't. I don't know why I just can't.

"I'm going to go out and I swear to bloody god if there even is one you will clean this house until it's spotless or I will kill you and no one will know because, No. One. Cares. About. You." He spat while pointing the knife at me and throwing down dangerously close to my leg and walked to the door opening it and slamming it shut again.

It was when the door shut that I started crying, less crying more balling my eyes out till I couldn't breathe.

I just sat on the floor. Hating myself and everything and everyone.

He was right no one cared. I was irrelevant to the world. I could die right now and no one would think about it twice.. or once for that matter.

My head was pounding and my eyes burned. I reached around to touch were he had whacked me and sure enough the was blood.

I have had enough of this. I can't take it anymore. I picked up the knife and stood up slowly the world spinning as I did so and walked to the bathroom.

I melted down on the floor and stared at the knife for a second, tears still steaming down my face silently.

I brought the knife down to my wrist and barely pressed it against my skin before I took a deep breath and slit five lines into my pale skin. I never went outside anymore and since my dad refused to send me to school anymore I wasn't allowed to because I was "to ugly for the world to see" the memory making the tears come faster.

It stung but I didn't care.

When the cuts didn't bring peace like they usually did I sighed and put it on the floor not caring if dad had a complaint about it later. Blood dropped down my arm and splattered droplets on the floor I didn't care about that either. I didn't care about anything.

I walked through the house with a blank face, the tears had stopped but I felt completely numb, I stepped to the door and didn't even think twice before stepping outside. No one was around this part of town anymore cause it was where most crime happened. The pussies were scared.

I walked up the street absent mindedly. I didn't mind where I went just as long as no one was around and I was away from dad.

I had been walking for what felt like hours, I don't know how but I ended up at the side of town where all the large mansion looking houses were and as I was pretty tired and hungry by now and I was stupid cause I forgot to bring food.

I suddenly heard a car reving somewhere and I couldn't deal with people right now. I sprinted as fast as I could to a big box that looked to be a giant tv box outside of the biggest house on the block that was partly further away from the rest of the houses. It was a nice sunny area and as far as I know most of the people that live in this part of town are super super rich.
Once I got in the box and was partly safe I heard maybe 5/6 cars go past and sound of people yelling and blasting music.

I sighed in relief and sat down in the partly comfy box. It was pretty wide and spacious. I was right that these people where rich because I have no clue how anyone could afford a tv like the one that was in this box.

After all of that I looked down at my wrists it was still bleeding and I realised I felt a little light headed after all that running and I decided to rest my head for a while. I was uncomfortable but It didn't take long for sleep to rush over me.