Dʀɪᴘᴘɪɴɢ Bʟᴏᴏᴅ

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It itches, It itches, It itches.

Pain tore at my chest and my breathing was sloppy. Again. It's happening again. I stumbled to open my bedroom door and tumbled down. I fell on my stomach and I coughed up a wad of black blood. Recently, I've been getting blood clots, and it's much worse and more painful to cough up. I dragged myself over to my bucket, which was clean and free to use. I propped myself up and did the following procedure.

I dipped my head in and pulled back my hair. This way the blood splatters will only be on the walls of the bucket. I took a shaky breath in and held it for a few seconds. Then, I coughed.

My throat screamed for mercy and my lungs felt like they were shriveling up like raisins. I forced air in and forced it back out. With all the pain, it numbed my senses and I focus on nothing but coughing. I'll cough it all out, I thought. I'll cough it all out.
Black blood splattered on my face. The force of my coughs sent the pool of blood in the bucket flying around frantically. I struggled for air and wheezed out what I couldn't cough. I gasped and lifted my head out of the bucket, desperately taking in weak breaths of air. Then, my lungs gave out. I couldn't cough anything out. I couldn't get rid of anything. Defeated, I laid my head on the rim of the bucket with my face facing the opening of the bucket. My mouth was slightly open, leaking out a quiet stream if black blood. I'll just wait here. I'll just keep leaking until it stops. That's what I thought.

Thirty minutes of not moving one bit, the stream of leaking blood slowly transitioned into slow and steady drips. I lifted my head out and rubbed my cheek, hoping that the imprint of the rim disappears soon. I stood up and headed towards the bathroom to clean up.

Afterward, I carefully slipped into bed. My body was sore to the touch, I had to be aware of every movement I made. I laid still, not wanting to wake the dull pain of my body, and stared straight at the ceiling. My mind was empty. My head was clear. I didn't have a worry in the world.

That's what I wish I could say. My mind was crowded with thoughts and raced with new ones every second. Worse case scenarios filled my mind and unsatisfying memories rose. If I go back now, I'll never be able to hide my disease. The number of times I cough a day increased and I'll have to be excusing myself during class. My classmates will worry and I'll create more and more trouble for them.
But even after all this, I'm still surprised at the fact that I'm not dead.

Being sick and tired of my depressing thinking, I hurried off of my bed, ignoring the scream-worthy pain that enveloped my body. I rushed to the living room and dropped myself on my couch.

"(Y/n)?" I heard my parent's voice call out to me. Oh, shit. Oops, forgive my language.

I rose my head up to meet the worried and concerned eyes of my parents. Oh crap, oh crap, oh crap! I completely forgot that they were coming home early! Did they hear me about forty minutes ago? I was being louder than usual thanks to those nasty wads of blood.

"Umm. Hi mom. Hi dad..." I said awkwardly to them. Their eyes immediately filled with tears and they rushed over, dropping and forgetting about whatever was in their hands. They grabbed onto me and hugged me for dear life. They let out as many tears as I do when I cough. My mother chocked back on her sobs while my father was sloppily crying. When they hugged me, I couldn't help but start to cry. Their hug was filled with warmth and affection. Their voices laced with gentle love and kindness. Their touch was careful and delicate. Their eyes reminded me of the first light day when it has been dark for far too long.

Why...why did I avoid everyone for so long? Why did I make myself suffer all for no reason? Not only did I cause pain for myself, but for the people around me. Even though I hid away to keep others from being hurt, I just ended up hurting them instead. Only if I hadn't been so stupid and naive. Why was my vision so narrow and shallow? I thought I knew what was best for everyone, but I was obviously wrong.