Random book of short little stories! By: Jay Lannings

Not a story but fuck it im sad

That awkward moment when you get so depressed over these feelings you have for your best friend, but when you finally confess, she doesn't even want to talk to you about it, which makes you even more depressed and so you stop talking to her for a month or maybe two until you finally decide to text her an apology for your feelings at 4am and then you just try to cry yourself to sleep, but you can't stop fucking thinking about what could've happened if the message actually had gone through and then you just get anxious about it, so you just post a chapter about it on one of the books you never publish anymore because you got a new phone with a new account and you don't want your best friend to find it in case they start flooding your Wattpad notifications and make you start crying and thinking and make you get urges to self harm again, but then you do it anyway with the razor from your pencil sharpener, but on your thigh, because it's way easier to hide in the summer and you just want to die because you've been neglected love your entire life, so you get desperate and selfish enough to seek it from your best friend who isn't even capable of love, but you still want her to hold you and care for you and protect you and lie to you with the words "I love you" at least once before you just decide to kick it, or drag it, or push it, or pull it, or jump it, or swallow it, or however you decide to end it because you can't take the heartbreak and depression and anxiety and dysphoria and you just want to talk to someone, but you don't want to seem like a bother and this all is just turning into something gross and depressing and will probably get alot of hate because no one really cares for a depressed and young trans guy that's just another little speck in this world, so his opinions and feelings don't really matter that much because he's just a toy for all these cis heterosexual girls to play around with and for the cis homosexual boys to make fun of and for the butch lesbian of the school to call a fag and for her to almost choke to death, because he's just another mindless body roaming around with no feelings, and the only one that makes sure to truly care is this one bisexual princess who helps him through his horrible feelings by telling him she loves him- because he doesn't even feel loved by any of his four parents- and that they'll always be best bitches 'till their very ends and they've even made so many promises to each other even though she'll probably ditch him like everyone else in his life, but it doesn't matter anyway, because with all the shit that's happened in his life, he's probably used to it by now and probably won't kill himself for it by chugging a whole bottle of pills, because his fucking pantry is practically a pharmacy with all the anxiety and depression medications that his moms are taking, but he doesn't have anything because the people at the childrens' clinic won't do shit to help this severely depressed and anxious child who will probably kill himself soon like the selfish bastard he is, and this whole thing exists because of one meesly text and small ass conversation and now I regret making it because I feel like I'm dumping all these feelings onto whoever reads it, but I won't be surprised if no one does because no one really cares all that much for this amateur 13 year old trans writer who's ready to kick the bucket or punch the ticket or whatever metaphore you want to use to replace "commit suicide" and I won't even be surprised if this is ignored by the one person this is circling around, but if she is reading this, I want her to know that I can't help but love everything about her, but it's not her fault because of my stupid attachment complex that I need to fix, but can't because I only let my emotions control me and not my logical fucking thinking and I should probably stop because at this point I've gotten to 736 words without putting down a period and it's been 2 hours since I even started this entire thing and never stopped writing because I have so many fucking emotions that I can't get rid of, so I'm just going to put it here, publish it, and watch the hate comments skyrocket. Thank you. Bye.........