Fake You Out - Joshler

Chapter Thirty-One

"Do you want to talk about it?" Patrick asks, tapping his fingers against the desk. Tyler listens, his skin prickling with annoyance at the sound.

"Not really," Tyler replies, focusing on the stack of paperwork in front of him. He's already finished it, but he has nothing left to do for the day and reading over the invoices to see if any revisions need to be made sounds better than talking to Patrick about what happened with Josh.

Patrick knows that he left, Tyler didn't even have to say anything, because being late to work everyday for two weeks is enough to let Patrick know that his life has fallen back into it's old routine. The one where he doesn't have help feeding and clothing his kids, and making sure they have everything they need for school or Mrs. Hamilton's house. Being with Josh was the only time since Jenna has left that Tyler has made it to work at the time he's supposed to be rather than an hour later.

"You, I've been kind enough to let it go, but you've been pretending to read that sheet of paper for about a half an hour now, and yesterday you offered to help sort the mail in order to avoid being in here with me, just like everyday for the past two weeks. I haven't pushed you, because you probably need your time and space, but it's been two weeks, and you need to talk about it," Patrick says, and suddenly the paper is being snatched out of Tyler's hands.

"What do you want me to say Patrick?" Tyler asks, leaning back in his chair. "Do you want me to tell you how the hospital called because his friend, brother to the guy who died in the accident, finally came back in the country and was looking for him? Do you want to tell you how he confronted me in front of my kids and practically broke down in my living room? Or, I don't know, maybe we could talk about how he walked out of my fucking door and I haven't seen or heard from him in two weeks?"

"Tyler, you don't have to talk about what happened, but you should talk about how you're feeling," Patrick reasons. "If anything."

"How do you think I'm feeling, Patrick? Gerard has said about thirty words to me in the last two weeks, most of them being 'no'. Michael's scared, all the time. I swear he has some kind of sixth sense that picks up even the tiniest amount of tension in the house; I can't get the kid to relax. Brendon has resorted to walking on eggshells around people, and by eggshells I mean ones made out of tiny little jokes that he tries to crack every three minutes, because if he continues to be funny, then Gerard won't hide back in his room. I've spent every night this week wondering if I should remove the lock from my son's door because I can't even sneak in at night to make sure he's okay, he hates me, with good reason. My family is being held together by a thread, a thin, flimsy piece of thread that is threatening to unravel every single day, so forgive me for not wanting to come into work and listen to your 'I told you so's," Tyler huffs, releasing a deep breath, his chest rising and falling as he stares at Patrick.

"You're obviously handling it really well," Patrick says sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "Clearly keeping it bottled up is helping not only you, but your children as well."

Tyler sighs, clenching his hand into a fist. "I'm doing the best I can, Patrick. I fucked up, and I'm trying to figure out how to fix it, okay? What more do you want from me?"

"Tyler, I was here when Jenna left, and I remember how difficult it was for you and I remember how you tried to keep it all bottled up and you eventually broke down, so please, for the sake of your now older children, who are likely to remember this, please talk to me about what happened," Patrick says, practically pleading with Tyler to tell him something. Tyler knows he's kept everything protected under lock and key, because he doesn't want someone else to tell him what he already knows.

It's his fault, and the clues have been there since the beginning that he shouldn't have done it, but he did, and the pain and pressure in his chest is too much for him to want to hear someone else tell him that he's a fucking idiot. He doesn't to hear it, and he doesn't need Patrick looking at him in judgment as he explains what happened. But Patrick's right, this can't be a repeat performance of when Jenna left, so Tyler talks.