Mia's Coping Journal

Mia Hernandez

12/25/20

Today is Christmas. Jay was super excited for presents, he looked so adorable in his pajamas. After I gave him his gifts, we went to Mrs. Stanes. I told him to play while I talked to her. I asked Mrs. Stanes what was wrong with me, she looked at me and cried. She sat me down and told me everything. Jazis’s origin, how he and his people manifested, what they were. I was numb after and asked her how she knew. She told me she once was a mother to one but couldn’t make the sacrifice. I think about Bobby Jean and her mom and I ask how she conceived. She tells me she didn’t.

12/27/20

Hello Jazis, this is your mother. Lately, I haven’t been feeling too well, you haven’t noticed and for that I’m grateful. You’re always so bright and bubbly, always singing and dancing. I love you Jay, and even if growing you, nurturing you, and loving you is killing me, I’d happily sacrifice myself so you may live. You are my miracle, my legacy, my precious baby boy. I don’t regret ever raising you. I love you so much.

1/25/21

These two short years have been the best time of my life. Sometimes it makes me sad to think Jazis will grow up without me, explore out of my reach, but that’s just the way it is. He’s taller than me by a few inches, but he still acts so young, so naïve. I wonder how he’ll react once I’m gone.

3/30/21

My hair has lost its pigmentation and lies on my shoulder like white strands of snow. Jay likes to play in it and calls it “beautiful”. I think it is, but whenever I look at it, it brings dread to my stomach.

4/21/21

Jazis told me he’s met another like him. He described what they look like, and how pretty their wings were. I kept him away from the forest after that. They can’t have my son, not yet.