Well there it was.. how my perfect little life became not so perfect. Pathetic huh? A bunch of grade 2's fighting over a boy, calling people lesbians? This world has become so inhumane.
Let me just tell you, it only got worse from there. Constant teasing and bullying from people all over the school, yeah litterally all over the school. Turns out Gabriella had an older sister in grade 7 who told all her friends about me, which then leaked around the whole school. Why must I be so icredibly Lucky. ( hense saracasim) I just couldnt take it anymore, I didnt know people could be so horrible! But I tried my hardest to not let it get to me, of course sometimes I would have those days were I break down and cry all day because I let it all build up, ha well i guess I still do. I know I know, its bad to do that, but I cant let those bullys see that im weak, it will only make things worse. Well they make me feel weak, so why wouldnt I be, they make me feel like the ugliest person on the earth.
Things haven't changed much over these 10 years i've only gotten taller, i got skinner, more tan, more freckles, my hairs gone darker and less curly, yay for me :D but other than that Im pretty much the same weak loser with no friends, besides Jade, she's my bestfriend, I actually feel happy when Im with her, she makes all my pain go away, she knows whats going on in my life, besides on how it all started and Zayn I haven't told anyone about him, it hurts to much, I'll probably break down in tears if I tried. See im such a loser, a 17 year old girl who still crys over a boy that she fancied when she was 7! God I need to grow up.
I love Jade dearly, shes the only real friend I've ever had, and I know that she will never do what those girls did to me, I can trust her, we tell each other everything. Thats why I feel so bad about not telling her about him, I just cant do it, I'm embarresed at my childness. I know if I told her all she will say is that I need to move on, hes in the past, but like I haven't tried, it frustrates the hell out of me that I cant let go, every other girl can do it, why cant I??? Im so darn stupid, he doesnt even care about me, he probably hates me like the rest of those girls. Ugh why is life so hard!
I should probably tell you what happened in the last 10 years.. so um.. here it is.
Alright so, I was attending andergrove state school, seeing how my parents didnt have money to put me into a private school and yeah that thing happened which caused my life to be ruined, and by that I mean, I got bullied everyday for the rest of the time I was at that school, I had no friends, I sat by myself everyday, untill grade 4, I met a boy, his name was Chase, he had Black hair, and brown eyes, very tanned skin, he was nice and sweet, we were bestfriends for awhile, we didnt hang out all the time at school because I didnt want him to get bullied because of me, but when we did I actually had fun, he'd always make me laugh and try to make me happy, he knew about the girls too, he hated them for it. I actually started to develop a crush on him, which was never good thing seeing what happened last time. Atleast I had no one to tell this time though, besides him, but I was way to shy to do that, plus I liked being his bestfriend and I planned on it staying like that, I couldnt risk our friendship on a silly fling.
Anyways me and him had gotten closer over the next year and my feelings only became stronger, but the bullying never stopped, I swear I've been in the principals office a million times, those teacher's just dont know how to do anything. Nothing ever worked, I couldnt get away from it. I had eventually told my parents what was going on and they moved me out of that school and into a private Christian school, MCC, I hated the fact of leaving my bestfriend behind, I knew I'd probably never see him again, I cried days on end, I didnt know how to tell him, so I didnt, I just left, without telling anybody i was going.
I actually really enjoyed it at my new school, everyone was so nice and caring, but i still didnt feel like i fitted in well, but I tried to put that behind me and act like everything was okay. I didnt really make any close friends, I just hung out with a large group of people. It was nice to be accepted for who I was, and to actually have friends for once.
I became what you call one of the 'It' girls once I reached grade 6, but I didnt let the popularity get to me, I was still the kind of shy, bubbly girl I always was. I didn't let anyone too close to me, I was too scared. For once my life felt normal and I was happy, I didn't want to ruin by letting someone in and then them going stabbing me in the back like last time, no, I will never let that happen to me again. But it did feel nice knowing people looked up to me and admired me, actually scrap nice its was freaking AMAZING!
Oh I forgot to mention my parents fighting only got worse, I personally think it's because of the amount of alcohole my mother consumes each night but if you tried to tell her that she'd have you by the throat. Well maybe im exaggerating a bit.. but close to it. I mean sure my parents love me to death, and they would never hurt me physically, but they hurt me mentally, well my mum anyway. My dads not like that, unless I've done something really bad and he yells at me but thats what every parent does right? My mum seems to think that because she grew up with alcoholic parents and had a crappy childhood, thats what she has to put me and my sisters through. Wouldn't you want a better life for your children and not let them grow up to be like you cause you had a sucky childhood and have depression? Maybe I'm just crazy. I can't remeber the last time I've come home to a sober Mother, I wish I didn't have to say that, but its true.
I dont genuially tell people about this, and how it actually really affects me, only because they don't fully understand, they don't think my situation is really that bad, they tell me other people have it worse. Obviously I know that, I'm not like abused or anything but, It's still enough to fuck a person up right. The yelling and screaming, the slammed doors that shudder through the whole house, getting told your a horrible child and that she wishes you were never born. It hurts. Being locked up in your room for days, fearing to leave because you don't want to get yelled at again. People really don't understand. I guess you have to be in the situation to know though.
My dad has it worse though, she actually hits him. I don't understand why he doesnt leave but, apperently its because he loves her, how could you love such a horrible person. It disgusts me the way she treats him. He does absolutely everything for her and she just throws it in his face. I wish he could stand up for himself, but he's too scared she'll leave him. Personally if it was me, I would have dumped her sorry arse a long time ago.
Its been like this for about 4 years now. I used to stick up for my mum because I thought it was my sisters fault and I hated seeing her cry, but now she's gone overboard and needs to learn to control herself. We've tried to get her to see someone but she doesn't believe she has problems. Sometimes it gets so bad that she gets in the car drunk as hell and drives off. How crazy, its horrible. She's indangering herself and other on the road.
I just wish I had a happy normal life.
I wish I was the girl everyone thinks I am. I'm living a beautiful Lie.
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A/N
Alrightyyy, so that was that chapter, its kind of boring i dont really like it, just thought you's needed a recap on what happened over the 9 years, hopefully you enjoyed, again its not too long but my chapters arent long, so yeah, please please pleaaase tell people about my story i really want people to read it, cause this book means alot to me :) and i would really like to finish it.
ideas would be nice, i have major writers block. -.- poo. oh and tell me if you like the story or not in the coments below.
Byeeeee goiizz <3 x
