Episode 3 | First Words

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Kangmin

I returned to the hospital shortly after my run, and I didn't hesitate. Having successfully outran Dr. Park, I was eager to return to the operating room where they needed me. A yawn escaped me. My body felt sluggish, and thoughts of restful slumber filled my mind.

Ever since I woke up in a patient room after the accident, images of unrecognizable people floated around in my dreams. They'd call out to me, engage with me like I was their favorite person in the world. The harder I tried to focus on them, the stronger the pulsating migraine would retaliate.

There was something about the beach that called to me, urging me to stay. A distant memory of sea foam and sand floated in my mind, but disappeared into the chaos just as quickly as it appeared. I wasn't sure if I was trying to prove that I wasn't going insane or if I just needed a break from reality. My desire for an answer was going to have to wait. They needed me for a surgery today.

Dr. Choi from the oncology ward asked me to attend a surgery while a patient underwent surgery to remove a tumor in the speech center of her brain. It wasn't uncommon for me to attend or even assist, but this case seemed complicated to where the patient could die on the operating table.

The patient's tumor was nestled deep in her Broca's area, the frontal lobe of her brain. We diagnosed her with lung cancer about one year ago. However, as time went on, it eventually metastasized to her brain and spine. The chances of her dying were high, and it was absolutely ludicrous to me that Dr. Choi would even attempt such a surgery. If he failed, it would tarnish his credibility and someone could even sue him for malpractice. However, there was no doubt in my mind that he could excise the tumor in her frontal lobe, but it would not solve the underlying problems.

I could never understand why people, especially doctors, tried so hard to make the impossible possible. Compassion doesn't create the results that people want, the tests do.

After scrubbing my hands and forearms for the procedure, I pushed my arms into an open sterile gown that was held up by an assisting nurse. Then, I swiftly donned a set of surgical gloves and a mask to cover my nose and mouth to maintain the OR's sterile environment.

Seeing all the surgical equipment and the patient's exposed skull created a strange reaction in me. My vision became spotty with black dots and everything around me was moving at a turtle's pace. With every step, I was losing myself, falling deeper into an unseeable abyss. It felt like I was being wrenched out of my body and was being forced to watch someone dictate what my body should and should not do.

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