Fragments

Season's Greetings

Christmas was supposed to be a time of joy. A season of good will, peace on earth to all men, a time of unity and happiness. It was the one time of year when families came together, animosity was forgiven and heartfelt gifts and tender kisses were exchanged between lovers. It was a time of pure love and contentment. So why was it that Daoming Si felt anything less than joyful? His face was dark as night as he gazed about, signature scowl firmly in place and a tumbler of scotch clutched tightly between his fingers. He was in an incredibly sour mood. He was loitering in the corner away from the rest of F4, relatively secluded and unmeithered, but even so, he was acutely annoyed and it was palpable. He didn't know why he kept letting Xi Men talk him into coming to these shindigs - his friend never hesitated to throw a party, he loved playing the host, and he had decided that he wanted to hold a Christmas party this year. He had invited scores of people, and he hadn't accepted no for an answer; even Lei was missing out on his sleep to attend, although he looked as annoyed as Ah Si felt. The tall young man swirled his glass introspectively, watching the ice clink against the sides as he stewed in his irritability. The Daoming heir didn't know why he listened to Xi Men at all actually; after all, it was his idiotic idea to spend the upcoming New Year's break in Canada and it had been his idea to invite her along. Dong Shancai. The love of his life. The bane of his existence. The reason for his terrible mood. He didn't want her to go in the slightest. He had absolutely no desire to see her. At least that was what he was stubbornly telling himself anyway.

Ah Si took a deep, cleansing breath as he contemplated his current bitterness towards Shancai. The air in Xi Men's spacious home smelled like peppermint candy canes, the light was soft and diffuse due to the twinkling lights that harkened to snowflakes, and tasteful wreaths and garlands were strung artfully from the ceiling, all cultivating an air of festive tranquility. There was even a huge, glittering Christmas tree in the middle of the room, resplendent and lavishly decorated, ringed by boxes wrapped in white and silver. However, not even copious amounts of booze and succulent Christmas food were enough to wrench Ah Si out of his fury; all he could think about was the Tiny One, and it was driving him insane. He sometimes wished he could just forget about her, erase all memories of her infuriatingly beautiful face so he could just go back to living in peace. Albeit lonely peace... His life had been so easy before she literally kicked her way into his heart; it had been simpler when he had the demeanour of stone, when he hadn't cared what tiny, bad tempered little women thought of him. The Daoming heir was still incensed about their disastrous zoo date, and if he was completely honest, his heart was cracking - he hadn't seen her for days and he longed for her deeply, even though he insisted he didn't. He didn't. He didn't miss her beguiling eyes, he didn't miss they way her nose scrunched up when she laughed, and he certainly didn't miss the sharp tongue and deadly wit that made his heart sing. He didn't miss her. He didn't!

He scowled to himself, tugging in his bow tie and letting out what had to be the one thousandth consecutive sigh in the last ten minutes. He couldn't even convince himself of his lies. Despite his opulent surroundings, despite the Christmas cheer in the air, Daoming Si was completely and utterly bereft. Things had been going so well between him and Shancai, why was it that they clashed like cats and dogs over the smallest things? Ah Si swallowed the lump in his throat as he recalled how hard she had trained for the cooking competition, determined to clear her debts and prove her worth. Like she wasn't worth everything in the world already. Ah Si shook his head wrathfully as the thought crept unbidden into his mind - he was mad at her, he didn't want to commend her right now! He wanted to rage and kick and scream about the unfairness of their convoluted relationship. Why couldn't they just get along? He could still vividly feel the silkiness of her hair when he had smoothed it behind her ear, he could recount with perfect clarity the serenity of her sleeping face when he had tucked her into his guest room; why was it she was only relaxed around him when she was unconscious? He wasn't blind; he saw how tense she was with him, how she was always poised for a fight that he didn't care to instigate but somehow never failed to finish - was this retribution for the torment he had caused her in the early days? Was it possible that they would never be able to move past the immaturity, the hateful words and frosty silences?