Flippy Centric Bullshit

Stuck

[Self harm TW]

Flippy did find out for himself, eventually.

It was very easy for him to view those around him as "stupid" for not knowing anything, but the truth was there wasn't anything to know. Playing the blame game only works so long, till he realizes there's nothing he can do. For a short while he forces himself into denial- it's not like he genuinely believed nothing was wrong. He'd simply looked the other way, trying to survive by pretending he was just paranoid. But there's no ignoring the obvious. He'd already gone through the steps of figuring out what was wrong, of asking and questioning and finding unsatisfactory answers. Now there's only the reality that life and death are one and the same.

He's tried to leave. Pack a bag, get in his car and drive away. Right before he gets out of town his car breaks down. He ignores this too, just like everything else, just like how he ignores how strange it is Flaky just so happened to be in the right place and the right time to lend him a ride. Just like he ignores how strange their behavior is. *Even then, he ignores when they reach for that shard of glass and shove it deep, deep into his eye. They say ignorance is bliss, and he wishes he were as ignorant as he pretends to be.

He wakes up in his home two days later. Flaky wouldn't look at him for a month.

Being on the receiving end makes it more real. This is the first time he realizes his capacity to be just as much as a victim as a perpetrator. He's lucky, really, that he doesn't remember much from that night. But, as he's come to learn, all that means is it wasn't for him to suffer. Maybe that makes it worse to survive, to know that he'll rarely be affected by the harm he causes others. Perhaps his own personal punishment is constantly having to second guess himself and the part he plays in this cursed story. He wonders if that's what Flaky feels, locked up in that house away from everyone. Being over aware only breeds doubt and isolation.

Maybe karma is finally catching up to him after ignoring all the signs this long. Not like there was much he could do about it, but he can't help but let rage well up in him just a bit. All the non-permanent consequences of dying under a curse, but it's just him. He's never felt so alone by himself.

He seeks normalcy but finds that he can only avoid the curse by avoiding the people involved. And, as he learned so many night before, avoidance only leads to tragedy. He begins neglecting little things. Sometimes he doesn't eat, sometimes he overworks himself until he's shaking and fades into a new consciousness. His alters help, but he can't dream forever. When he's pushed back out, he can't help but fall on the same coping mechanisms to hold himself together. He doesn't see how it's only further breaking him apart.

There's a sense of helplessness in the routine, one that he doesn't quite realize is there yet. He's tired of waking up with the blood on his hands. It didn't happen everyday; god knows he wouldn't have any friends if every time he went out he killed someone or vice versa. But for every sliver of freedom he got, the worst those cursed days felt, and the more he felt trapped. Flippy starts to accept the situation for what it is, and in doing so starts to accept he can't push others away to protect himself. He starts to go out again, make connections, and learn about the people he's stuck here with. He won't let himself be trapped in his own home again.

His life isn't stable now, and he certainly struggles to keep his shit together when the curse affects him. What he does have going for him is a schedule and friends who know what he's going through. For now, he'll rinse the blood from his hair, scrape it from under his finger nails, and expect the worst. At least what he does today won't mean anything tomorrow.

*[the episode mentioned in this chapter is "Without a Hitch"]
[I actually really like how this chapter ended so the next ones I had planned will probably be more character interactions instead of backstory. Thanks for reading!]