A Glimpse of Heaven

Chapter 5

Edward's POV

I looked at Bella hugging Renesmee desperately, trying to keep the despair out of my face. Just now, I had heard Carlisle's thoughts as he recalled how half-vampires' growth spurt should have slowed down to twice of a normal human being. But he measurements he took stated that Renesmee was growing, if that was possible, even faster than when she was born.

So what did that imply? I didn't know, but it sure wasn't anything good. Carlisle thought that she would continue ageing at this rate and simply reach the end of a human life time within five years. Although Bella couldn't read my thoughts, she seemed to know what I was thinking as I stared into the deep, unfathomable chasms of her eyes.

She whispered, "Renesmee? What will happen to her?" I couldn't bring myself to answer her. What was the good of her knowing? It would just add to her misery. Oh god, why did this have to happen to us? Just as we thought we could continue in our small but perfect piece of our forever, this came out of nowhere.

We couldn't even be sure of how long she could live. From the limited search Carlisle and I have been conducting before her birth, there were only a few of them out there who were like Renesmee. None of them matured like her. But then, they all had the same biological father - were half-vampires like human? Do they age slightly differently from each other?

I looked at Renesmee, cradled in Bella's arms. She seemed so fragile, her long lashes covering her inquisitive eyes and her brown ringlets hanging over her waist. Bella couldn't bear to cut them, but I disagreed and had a minor conflict with her. Thinking back on that, I couldn't believe we focused on such trivial matters. I would gladly sacrifice my hair, or about anything else, for Renesmee and Bella to be happy.

Slowly, carefully, I finally broke the news to Bella. Her reaction took me by surprise yet again - she didn't look surprised or shocked at all; instead, she made the desperate choking sobs and hugged Renesmee so tightly that there were red fingerprints on her luminous skin.

In that instant, I felt hopeless. I couldn't do anything to help them both. What kind of father, what kind of husband was I? I couldn't even protect them from their own fate. Suddenly, I felt a ripping in my heart. I knew it was entirely in my head, but I didn't know why the feeling was so familiar. Why I suddenly had a sense of déjà vu.

With a dawning sense of realisation, I recognised this ripping.

When I had thought Bella was dead, I had felt like my heart broken into a million shards. Nothing could ever repair it or put it back together, save Bella. Then what had happened? I had tried to commit suicide, because I couldn't imagine a world without Bella.

Now, I wanted to die. I felt totally helpless.