COUNTDOWN | seungbin ✔️

twelve

the hospital corridor was stuffy and the air had an undertone of bleach. the walls were magnolia and were scraped in places from the hundreds of trolleys that have bumped into them. the pictures on the walls were cheap benign prints of uplifting scenes and above the double doors are large blue plastic signs with the areas of the hospital that lie ahead.

changbin spent hours and hours seated outside the room seungmin was in and there was red flashing words that said, "emergency ward."

changbin's friends had popped in from time to time to check on him. every time they came, they were greeted with the same sight. changbin's nails were already bitten down to the quick. he nibbled at their frayed, form edges like a famished mouse.

"changbin, are you okay?" was what minho would ask him every time. a simple nod was also what he always got in return.

finally, the time changbin was waiting for arrived, the doctor walked out. "how is he?" the doctor looked down and sighed. that was when changbin started panicking and in the grip of his silent panic, wild eyes, pupils dilated, heart racing, brain on fire, brain synapses firing like a hyped up internal aurora borealis, like a cluster bomb exploding in his brain, turned his brain to a mental soup of conflicting instructions, brain frozen, brain feeling like it's seized up, shrill scream, running aimlessly, frozen in panic, arms flapping almost comically, almost threw up, brain feeling like it's been pickled in brine.

"we tried our best but he didn't make it."

those words alone were enough to break changbin down.

he cried. his crying was both ferocious and noisy. he blinked briny tears from bloodshot eyes, his thick lashes stuck together in clumps as if he'd been swimming. the tears made wet tracks down his face and dripped from his stubbled, wobbling chin. clear watery snot streaked from his flaring nostrils down his red mottled skin to his open quivering lips. his hands open and closed, rhythmically clenching as if there could be some violent solution to his pain if only he could find it.

changbin was broken. he lost the only one he loved and he was convinced it was all his fault.

if only seungmin was there to comfort him, engulf him in a big tight hug, kiss the top of his head and tell him how none of this was his fault. it was either him or changbin.

if only seungmin was there, he would be able to see the numbers above changbin's head, "ten thousand".