Take Me Home

Chapter Thirty-Two

Harry woke up early most days, and it sucked because he never fell asleep until late.

On that particular Saturday, though, his head was a mess. Like, a real mess - he was certain it was the lowest he had felt since he had started his downward spiral and he couldn't understand it because he had been doing so well lately. Everything had been going just right, school was okay, his family was okay, his relationship with Ashton was more than okay.

But for some reason, that morning, the thirteen year old opened his eyes and instantly wished he could close then again and never wake up. His thoughts were dark and the urges were darker, and he wanted to get up and do something, but he couldn't quite bring himself to do anything.

He could hear voices downstairs. His Dad had woken his two little brothers up a little while ago, and Louis was loud and happy as normal. Even Niall was chatting away, and apparently he hadn't had many nightmares lately because he seemed happier.

Harry let out a huff and rolled over in bed, wishing he could be happier. He couldn't quite believe he was feeling jealous two seven year olds and cursed himself for it. He loved the kids, truly he did. He was just finding it hard to feel much for anyone today.

Time passed. The urges grew.

Harry was thinking about acting on them; it was all he could think about, over and over again. But he remembered what he had been told countless times by his parents, his therapist, Ashton. It was okay to ask for help.

It took a lot for him to kick his legs over the edge of his bed, but once his feet were on the ground and he'd taken a breath as deep as he could muster, he made his way down the stairs.

Niall and Harry were in the kithhen with Zayn, Harry could hear them all talking and laughing, cutlery and plates making a noise as the table was readied for breakfast. It had become a routine of theirs on a Saturday morning that they would all eat a proper breakfast together - ordinarily, Harry enjoyed it. But today, his stomach felt hollow and full all at once and the thought of food wasn't appealing to him in the way it normally would.

Liam was sitting on the couch in the living room, typing on his laptop perched on the coffee table as if he was hurrying to finish the work before the food was ready.

Harry gulped, tugged the long sleeves of his pajama shirt over his hands and walked with legs that felt a lot like jelly until he reached the couch and curled up next to the arm, drawing his knees into his chest and clutching his hands together in front of them. Liam noticed him and looked at him with a small smile, though his eyes were instantly concerned when he took in the boy's demeanor.

Harry took a small, wobbly breath. He could do this; he had promised a thousand times over that he would speak to them, tell them when something was wrong.

He had to get it out quickly, whilst the spell of bravery lasted. So he spoke in a rushed tone before Liam had the chance to even open his mouth.

"I don't want to be alone."

He frowned to himself. It had been easier than he'd built it up to be.

Another shaky breath, and Liam closed the lid of the laptop and moved closer to him, smiling softly.

He gave a small nod. "Okay. Did - did you..." he faltered slightly, gaze dropping to Harry's arms.

He quickly shook his head. He had wanted to. God, he had really wanted to, but the scars were fading already and he didn't want to ruin that.
He wanted to get better.

Liam let out a small breath and Harry tried to push away the guilt over constantly making his adoptive parents worry over him. His eyes stung and he wished that the chanting in his head would just give him a break.

"C'mere," Liam whispered, holding out his arms. Harry didn't hesitate, curling into the man's side and allowing the arms to wrap firmly around him. He closed his eyes tightly but the tears escaped anyway, silently as his shoulders shook. He felt his Dad press a kiss to his hair and hold him a little tighter. "I'm so, so proud of you."

Harry stayed silent, but the urges dulled down a little and his heart rate slowed. The tears still fell, but now it was more from overwhelm because he had spent so long feeling unwanted, so long feeling worthless. And now he had a family, a family that had been there all along really only now it was completely real and he felt loved. And he felt a lot of love for all of them, too.

#

He couldn't stomach all of his breakfast, but nobody tried to force him because they understood. He went to sit on the couch afterwards, not wanting to sit upstairs yet - not trusting himself entirely to.

It was raining outside, and so everyone was staying in, even Zayn wasn't working this weekend. He took in his surroundings.

Niall was rolling around on the floor with Cooper, tug of warring with a knotted chew-toy whilst Louis was attempting to attach lego bricks to the poor dog's fur. Liam was washing up in the kitchen and Zayn was sitting beside him with the TV remote in hand, attempting to find something to watch.

Less than ten minutes later, a movie was playing, something Niall had chosen about the lives of a dog throughout the years. It was pouring down on the other side of the window.

Harry was sitting between his two dads, head rested on Zayn's chest and feet tucked into the side of Liam's thigh. Louis was stretched out with his legs over Zayn's lap and his head on the arm of the couch. Niall was curled up on the floor with his dog (well, really their dog, but it was clear who the dog's true owner was).

"You feeling okay?" his Papa whispered to him when the movie grew particularly loud.

Harry hesitated, then gave a small nod. "Just okay though. Not anything more," he added, honestly.

Zayn smiled slightly at him, eyes shining. "That's okay. We can work with okay," he said. There was a slight pause, then he added, "do you want Louis and Ni to camp out in your room tonight?"

Louis must have overheard, because his head shot up and he grinned. "Yay, can we!?" he yelled, like it was the most exciting thing in the world.

Harry managed a smile and nodded. He liked having his brothers with him, especially when he felt like this. It was harder to think such dark thoughts when he had two happy kids tucked in either side of him.

"Yeah, I'd like that," he murmured. Louis smiled and Niall looked up from the floor, asking, "Can Coop sleep with us too?"

Of course, the rule about the dog bed had gone out of the window after three days of the men having to carry the blond seven year old up to his bed from the kitchen in the middle of the night.

Liam let out a sigh, though he was smiling. "Fine. Gosh, you boys and getting your own way," he muttered, tone light and joking.

Harry smiled again at that, looking at the family that he had spent so long waiting for and feeling nothing but grateful.

AN
a short chapter without much dialogue and a bit of a different vibe but a chapter nonetheless.

just stopping by to say that I have altered the ages slightly in this book - harry is now thirteen and louis/niall are both seven as I felt it was more fitting and this way, the ages make more sense for book two ;)

thanks! x

EDITED 15.12.21