the lighter the berry, the bitter the juice.|MJ Fanfic|COMPLETED

|8|•the bitter the juice

When you face a struggle in your marriage, remind yourself that the struggle will become a story someday. It will either be a story about why you divorced or a story about how you worked together to build a stronger marriage. You get to decide which story becomes true.

SORAYA

June 11, 2000
Santa Barbara, California

Today was the day that Michael and I will officially sign our names on papers that will be the end to what I once thought was a beautiful, everlasting thing. We decided to meet at Halle's office and handle everything legally there. After our last session with Dr. Smith, we didn't waste anytime to get to this point. One thing for certain that we agreed on was to NOT involve our daughter nor money, which has never been issue even during our eight months of separation. We wanted to continue our lives with her the way it was and never change it. There was no need for us to have a custody battle because we both were during our parts faithfully everyday. The money, well, Michael had his and I had mine and we both will continue to be over Nina's trust fund as accordingly.

I had to admit, I am still very much in love with this man. He was my bestfriend, my protector, my confidant, my motivation-my something to look forward to. He made me the happiest woman when he made me his wife, but they always say happy endings aren't forever. Now, I can truly see that. Dr. Smith last few words of encouragement always lingered in the back of mind. When she spoke about forgiveness and trust, it made me feel like that maybe we were making the wrong decision then. Maybe we were jumping the gun too soon, but she did say she could not force us to make something work if we didn't want it to or just couldn't make it work.

Seeing her cry that particular day, hurt me. I felt like I let her down as her client...Michael as well. She saw so much potential in us and really wanted for us to rethink this whole thing through. We just couldn't forgive each other. He couldn't forgive me for kissing another man and I couldn't forgive him for the many secrets, lies, and affair he had. It just wasn't that easy to do. And maybe, sometime down the line after we move on, we both could finally forgive and remain friends. Only time will tell it. But my love for him will never change and that was the truth.

"Okay," Halle began to say, passing out the divorce forms to me and Michael who sat on the other side of the table with his lawyer John, "you both have seen these papers before, you know what's on them, but please thoroughly read through them and sign your names where needed to be signed and this will be the ending of your marriage. No court dates, no nothing to draw attention to you both. You have my word as well as John's." She concludes, looking at us both with seriousness.

I take one quick glance at my soon to be ex-husband who eyes were already looking at me with pain and sadness in them. I hurriedly turn my gaze back onto the papers before me on the table. The entire office was filled with complete silence that it made me nervous as hell. The click of a pen was heard and I knew that Michael began signing his name. A few mintues go by and I'm nearly towards the end of the form-the last sheet to complete all of this. I look over at Michael through hooded eyes and see him sitting back into his roller chair with one arm rested against the armrest, and his other propped up with his hand covering his face. I furrowed my brows at this because I wasn't sure of what could possibly be wrong with him or if he was trying to hide his tears. My very own eyes began to feel that all too familiar burning sensation in the back of them and my throat forming lumps. I had to clear my throat to control myself because I knew at any second I would lose my composure. After signing the last sheet, I flip the others back over it, giving away to Halle that I was done.

"You both are done signing everything?" She asks us both, looking between us for clarification.

All I could do was nod, fearing that if I answered verbally, my voice would crack. Michael took a moment before uncovering his face and giving Halle a quick nod. She takes a few moments to look over each of our forms before giving the final announcement of everything. The announcement that somehow, I was dreading to hear-that was to finalize Michael and Soraya Jackson forever. There was no turning back now. The deed was done and the only thing to do now was to move on from this as best as we could and know how.