Chapter 3 ~ Unhealthy Thoughts

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Walking into the Common Room, Y/N saw all the Avengers sitting round the dining table. All in deep, already established conversations. Y/N had always felt their anxiety begin to bubble to the surface, whenever Y/N was with any of them. The fear of saying the wrong thing, saying something they didn't find funny, taking something funny too far, slightly faltering over their words... Y/N was just "some scientist", these were the AVENGERS!

"I don't belong here, they don't need me, I'm nothing" Y/N found themselves silently repeating their now well-used mantra of sorts. Looking up, after realising they'd been sitting in their thoughts for a while now, Y/N noticed no one was looking at them, "Why would they be, they have their problems to deal with".

Y/N mentally cursed on seeing Wanda. "She can read minds, I need to be careful with my thoughts. Keep them quiet. She'll realise I'm weak, They'll realise I'm weak". She suddenly turned from her conversation with Clint, to look at me, and Y/N mentally cursed again, "Did she hear me". Muttering some excuse about being feeling ill to the Avengers, and getting their quick acknowledgements and well wishes in return, Y/N briskly left the room. On seeing Wanda's worried look as they left, Y/N quicken their pace.

"Is she on to me? She must have heard my thoughts!", Y/N thought, almost running towards the nearest elevator now, back to their apartment floor. As the elevator doors pinged open, Y/N sprinted down the lab hallway and practically threw their weight at the door, and after fumbling with its handle, Y/N entered the apartment. Hurriedly locking the door, and pushing themselves against the door, Y/N slid slowly down it, as tears threatened to spill from their eyes.

~~~~~

About an hour and a half later, Y/N lay on their bed, recounting their latest social disaster. How was it that they could talk comfortably with them all separately, but as soon as that was expanded by even just one extra person, the levels of anxiety and stress felt would leap dramatically.

Y/N snapped their head up when they heard Wanda's voice at the door, calling for them to unlock it, but Y/N chose to ignore her. That morning's short-lived public interaction had left Y/N completely drained, physically and emotionally, and despite it only now just after midday, Y/N allowed themselves to fall asleep.

~~~~~

A persistent, rhythmic knocking roused Y/N from their sleep, sometime later. Y/N pushed themselves up, leaning against the headboard. Rubbing the sleep from their eyes, they asked, "Time JARVIS."

"It is 5:37pm, Mx L/N"

"Oh crap, I'm gonna be so far behind on all of my projects now. Thanks, JARVIS."

"If it may be of any comfort to you Mx L/N, Miss Maximoff is currently outside your room. Should I let her in?"

Y/N sighed, "Er yeah, let her in JARVIS."

"Of course, Mx L/N."

"How am I gonna explain myself this time?", Y/N thought, almost tearing up again, "Why are conversions so difficult?"

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