Only Differently Designed // ODD

4. Only Party Animal (Part 2)

Previously on ODD... Our heroine's read-end has been captured and held hostage by an evil plastic chair at a kiddie birthday party - what could possibly happen next?! 

Read on to find out...

That's when my whole future life flashes before my eyes.

I see myself in church, clad in a wedding dress tailored to fit the chair that's been attached to my bottom for years. Maybe the chair will have a few white flowers on it too. That would be cute. Although I'd probably smack someone every time I turned around, including the priest.

In the next scene I find myself entering a restaurant with my family. The waiter wonders how come we want a table for four when we are in fact five. That's when my mom laughs and says, "It's alright, my daughter always has her own chair with her!"

I probably wouldn't fit in any ordinary coffin, would I? They'd have to design a coffin my shape, the abomination of half human, half chair. We'd be buried together, and our headstone would read,

"Heather Chance and her loyal pet chair, Tiffany."

Accompanied by the sub-header,

"Nothing will do them part– not even death."

I'm brought back to the present by a collection of shrieking noises. Laughter. An urchin's laughter, to be precise. The crayon addict is pointing at me and guffawing with her tongue dangling in between her broken, half-missing teeth. I sit back down immediately. She stops laughing, but, to my horror, she starts chanting instead.

"Your butt is stu–uck!"

I slam my forefinger against my lips and hiss at her to be quite.

"Your butt is STU–UCK!"

I clamp my hand over the brat's mouth. I have no other choice, really.

"Your butt is – ermm!"

Saliva. I recoil and wipe my hand against my sweater. The girl sticks her tongue out at me and I return the gesture just as passionately.

The speakers sputter an announcement then. All the kids are to gather in the karaoke room to dance the Hokey Pokey. I smile triumphantly. If everyone gathers in one room, I can take my time dealing with the chair. Brendan pumps a fist in the air and runs to his destination. Scarlet jogs towards me.

"Sorry Heather I've got to be there for the Hokey Pokey, I'll be back though!"

Take your time, I think. Take your time.

Scarlet looks at the rascal sitting next to me and asks her, "What's your name sweetie?"

"Petra," she mumbles.

"Such a pretty name! Like the Rose City, no?"

Petra scowls. Undeterred by the child's hostility, Scarlet holds her hand out. "Why don't you join the dance? Come on, it's about to start."

Petra shrugs in refusal. I start bobbing my knee up and down restlessly. Can't they just leave? How hard can it be, convincing a pint-sized devil to join the satanic dance ritual known as the Hokey Pokey? She could easily be carried away too.

All of a sudden, Petra points at me and exclaims, "I'm not going unless she goes too!"

"Who? Me?" I squeak.

"She's right! You should come too."

"No, no, I don't do the Hokey Pokey, really." I say quickly.

"Come on, Heather," Scarlet grabs my wrist. "It seems Petra has taken a liking to you, you shouldn't disappoint her!"

I glance at Petra – and the scoundrel is grinning from ear to ear! There's an evil glint in her eyes, too. The witch knows I'm stuck to my chair and she wouldn't miss seeing that ridiculous sight again. She's lucky that Scarlet is here, or else I wouldn't have hesitated to strangle her.

Speaking of Scarlet, she's tugging my arm persistently, still insisting that I should do the Hokey Pokey. Something starts groaning underneath me and I realize that the chair and I are slowly being dragged forwards.

"At least come watch us!" she pleads.

This time she pulls me much harder than I expect. I dig my heels into the ground – bad move. I lurch forward with my chair. I'm falling. I'm falling and I'm about to get my nose squashed into a pulp. I grasp the table for support but it's one of those cheap plastic tables. I end up bringing down the entire table with me.

I twist my body and land on my side with a crack! So long, ribs. The table lands face-down on my legs and when I look up – It's raining crayons! It's almost as if a rainbow exploded. It's beautiful, like a parade – at least until the colors start smacking me square in the face.

The next few scenes are a blur. Scarlet is pulling my up to my feet and frantically brushing fragments of crayons off my clothes. She's apologizing over and over again but I'm too busy searching for my ribs. They're there, thank God. I look down understand why I heard something crack.

The chair is no longer attached to my bottom – it's lying on the ground, broken, yet free. I sigh gratefully.

Such a shame we didn't get to spend more time together.

"Don't worry about the chair," Scarlet assures me. "They always break and there are plenty more in the back."

Worry? Ha!

Petra doesn't seem to be happy at all, though. She's slumped in her chair, arms folded, with a frown. I'm not sure whether it's because her crayons are scattered all over the place or because she failed to humiliate me. Either way, I have emerged unscathed.

Scarlet is still apologizing, so I half-heartedly throw a "don't worry about it" here and an "it's alright" there.

"Tell you what, I'm treating you to lunch this entire school week – you know, as compensation. So promise me you'll join my friends and me in the playground during break time."

"Promise," I reply monotonously. It then dawns upon me. "Wait what? What promise? Wait, no, Scarlet–"

"You promised already!"

She sticks her fingers into her ears, shutting me off. And she proceeds to clean up the mess on the floor, leaving me with an acrobat performing somersaults in my stomach.

"Oooh, the Hokey Pokey!"

Oh, shut up, you immoral brats.