broken.| Miles Hollingsworth

original 19

"Miles, what's wrong?" Frankie jumps from her position on the couch as Miles rushes out the back door, so quickly that if she would've blinked in that moment she would have missed him. "Kala's drunk, I need to go get her." "What?" Jonah perks up at the mention of Kala's name in the same sentence as drunk. "Wait, we're coming with."
"Kala?" Miles' voice was the smallest I've ever heard. I couldn't see him, my head was turned the opposite direction as the door as I laid with my head at the end of the bed, eyes closed. I felt sick, dizzy, and buzzed. How do people enjoy this? "What happened?" I hear Frankie's voice from outside the room. "Should we clean it up?" Jonah's voice follows after as I hear my door squeak open and I feel the bed indent behind me, Miles' presence I can feel even before his hand comes up to brush the hair away from my face. I don't move, keeping the side of my face pressed against the mattress. "Kala, I'm here. Are you okay." "You should be with Hunter." I should be the last thing on his mind, Hunter's in a psych ward, I'm not important compared to that. "Hunter's okay, I'm worried about you... how much did you drink." I try to shrug, however, it was hard in the position I was in. "Is she okay?" Frankie's voice was louder now, she was probably in the doorway. "I think so, can you pack a bag for her Franks? She's staying with us tonight." "Yeah, give me her phone. I'll text her mom." Miles reached across my body to where my phone laid from when I called him. He stood from the bed, seconds later walking around the other side to pick me up, bridal style. I groaned, the movement made my head pound harder as I nuzzled my head against his chest. "Frankie, can you drive stick?" "No, you didn't teach me yet." "I can." Jonah's voice then came, peeking through one eye I saw him in the doorway. "Here." Miles dug in his pocket and tossed Jonah the keys to his car. Then everything went black.

I quickly re close my eyes, turning to lay face down in the sheets as the lights cause my headache to resurface. "Take these." I'm being turned back onto my side and as I open my eyes I see Miles, crouched down in front of me with two pills and a glass of water in his hands, his body blocking the sun coming through the curtains. "Can you please close the curtains?" I ask sitting up, Miles moving with me. "Yeah." He hands me the glass and pills as he turns to close the curtains, at the sound of them moving, I reopen my eyes taking the pills Miles has given me. "How are you feeling?" He takes the glass from my hands and sets it on his nightstand before taking a seat on the bed next to me. His bed. When did I get to his room? "How did I get here?" "You don't remember?" "What happened?" Miles sighs turning to face me. "You drank your mom's fireball and got black out drunk, you called me and I brought you here. Your mom doesn't know we replaced the bottle." I look up at him. "Why did you do that?" "I wasn't going to let you get in trouble." "Why not?" Miles scoffed, moving closer. "What is going on with you, Kala?" "I was in a psych ward!" I burst out, quickly covering my mouth with my hands once I realized what I said. Why did I say that? His face dropped. "What?" I take a breath, I can't not tell him now. "I was institutionalized in 8th grade. I spent December through August in a mental hospital." I kept my eyes down, suddenly his bed sheets are the most interesting thing in the world. He didn't speak, it made my head whirl and my chest tighten. "Please say something." "Why?" That's all he had... what the fuck did I do. "I was really sad-" "You've said that." At his interruption I finally look at and catch his eyes. He wasn't angry, he was concerned, hurt. "Why do you look hurt?" "You didn't tell me, Kala." "I'm fine now, there's no need. And everything with your dad and now Hunter... you didn't need to know." "You're not fine, Kala. You're losing your shit over here." We lose eye contact again. "No one needs to know. My mom doesn't need to worry about me again." "Kala." I don't look at him. "Kala!" He grabs my head, making me look at him, however my eyes stay locked on the plant in the corner of his room, over his shoulder. "Kala, I have you figured out. You can't hide things from me anymore, okay? You were angry as a kid cause you didn't know how else to put up with your dad leaving, you were sad because of your dad and brother, and now because you're scared people are gonna think you're crazy you hide everything from everyone. You feel the need to hide this from your family because of your brother and from me because of my problems, but you don't have to. You can't." I finally look at him, tears rolling down my face and I see them in his eyes as well. "I wasn't just sad, Miles. I didn't want to get out of bed, I had panic attacks so bad I got 3 out of 8 periods for the whole time I was in 8th grade, I thought about... I thought about bad things all the time." "Did you ever try to kill yourself?" He was blunt. I didn't mind. I needed it. "No.. I was too scared to do anything-" His hands finally dropped from my face, as I continued talking he didn't deem it necessary. "And I couldn't do that to my brother. The anxiety was so bad I would pick at the skin around my nails so much that I was always bleeding, it hurt so I guess that was kind of self harm." He didn't speak, I continued, "The counselor at my school got my mom to do it. There I was told I had manic depression so basically bipolar disorder. I was depressed for a while but then I'd have fits of euphoria before it all crashed down. That's why I take Zoloft. It isn't just because of anxiety or just depression. I was also told I have PTSD from childhood- being institutionalized is why I dress the way I do. Neutral colors, no belts, or strings. When I was there most kids wore sweats but I wore slacks and such cause it made me feel somewhat normal, and they're comfortable. But- sometimes when other people have episodes it triggers something in my brain that makes me go into one, it's like a domino effect, so when I saw what was happening to Hunter it just... set it all off." Once I stop only then do I realize how much I just told him. It was all over the place, nothing from one sentence mattering with the next. "Were you totally okay before the Hunter thing?" I shake my head, I can't make him think that Hunter is the cause of all of this. "Another episode started that day Tristan kissed you." He gasped, I re-lock eyes with him. Guilty. "It's my fault?" "Oh my god no!' I jump grabbing his face. "No no, it's not your fault. It started that morning when I woke up, you didn't do anything wrong, Miles. I wouldn't be as okay as I am if you weren't here." "But you're not okay, Kala. I should be stopping this from happening." "Miles, you help, that's all you can do. When you're having panic attacks due to your dad do I help or take them away?" "Help but-" "It's the same for me... you help me, so much more than you know. " Miles sniffled, grabbing my wrist, turning his head, kissing my hand that he could reach from the hold I had on him. "Please don't hide these things from me, if you're going to hide them from Oliver or your mom or everyone else, please- tell me." I nod, giving a small smile. "Okay, I promise I'll try." "I love you, I hope you know that." I freeze, what did he just say. He must have seen it on my face because he spoke again. "You don't have to say it back, just know I love you and I couldn't live with myself if you weren't okay." "We're just two broken people trying to fix each other, that love... I love you too Miles Hollingsworth."